Monday, October 20, 2014

Yeehaw Kiddies!

I'm winding down a week earlier than I usually do for my Halloween sewing this year.
Not only that, but this has been one of the more productive and adorable Halloween seasons I've ever had as a seamstress.  First, I'd like to pimp out my business page.  I'd like it if you liked it.  Pretty please with a cow boob on top.

Then I'd like to show off three versions of adorable.  Pin them.
Lucy Ball

Sunshine Fairy

Little Red Cowgirl
Then I'd like to apologize for foregoing my yearly Halloween tradition of posting farm animals in less than Kosher positions.  Usually that's what I do when I'm busy hovering over my sewing machines and I figure I should apologize for something.  Now, if I hover over my sewing machines, it's because I want to and not because I have to get done by Halloween!

Maybe I'll surprise my readers and other hangers on with farm animals around August

Yeah, pictures of goats around August sounds mighty fine.

Thursday, October 09, 2014


"Mom, can we make cupcakes for lunch time concessions?"

It's a legitimate question.  My fifteen year old son joined FBLA and they have some kind of bake sale every day.  Dozens upon dozens of fifty cent cupcakes translates to a trip to Vegas to participate in all the future business leadership they can get their filthy hands on.
My answer was no.
Or, it was no for a week because it was asked at approximately 9:00 PM every evening.  If he wanted cupcakes, he had to ask earlier. 
Last night he asked at 7:00. 

I conceded on the cupcake front.

Looky...MBA Cupcake of Doom.

We baked twelve dollars worth.
Everyone loves my chocolate cake recipe.  Everyone.  It's my rule.  You love it.  Or else.

You don't have to love my marshmallow frosting recipe.  If you're vegan you're definitely going to hate it.  But, if you're okay with eating eggs, you should definitely try this fluffy, not too sweet, velvety, icing.   It holds it's shape well if you pipe it right after you've made it, then it sets up, and does ok without refrigeration for a day or two. 

Marshmallow Icing
4 large egg whites
1 cup sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla

Place the eggs, sugar and salt into double boiler.  Whisk constantly over simmering water until the sugar dissolves and the mixure is hot.   (Meaning, don't heat so much that you end up with a very sweet omelet but just enough to kill the germs that are out to kill you.)  You should have a very thick syrup.

Pour mixture into large bowl, add vanilla (and gel food coloring if desired) and beat with an electric mixer for three minutes or until volume has increased considerably and the icing holds it's shape.

Pipe immediately.  Or spread it with a spoon.  Or eat it right out of the bowl.
Self promoting Pinterest button here:
Hopefully this gets me out of bake sale duty for a month. 

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Humidity is rising. Barometer's getting low.

Yesterday, after several months of "thinking of the children", Utah has resigned itself to the Supreme Court allowing the lower court's decision to stand on gay marriage.  The state of my birth has gone kicking and screaming to the end of the rainbow.

Today, after a short court battle with the district attorney admitting that they wouldn't bother to appeal, my current state of Nevada has legalized gay marriage.
This makes me smile.

I lost a fan in 2013 when DOMA was repealed.  She felt an urge to tell me what God thinks.  I disagreed with her.  Not only because no one can know for sure what God thinks but because I was pretty sure God wasn't interested in being consulted about marriage law and state rights in the first place.  I could be wrong.  I don't know.  What I do know is that our constitution doesn't allow us to single out groups and we all get to avail ourselves of equal protections.

How come girls these days don't grow up wanting to be concubines?  What is the world coming to?
Tonight my local provider of electricity will be having a planned outage from 10 PM to 6 AM.

Tomorrow early morning the blood moon will rise over a dark city.

Apparently the red color is caused by the moon passing through the Earth's shadow but science/schmience, this has to be a sign of what God is thinking.

Either the locusts are going to show up and bodily fluids will gush from my faucets.

Or God thinks, "Disco!"

I'm going with Disco.

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

I sit on my stripey butt and comment on blogs...

Welcome new housewives and other hangers on...I'm Becky.  I'm a housewife.  In a month I'll be forty years old.

I don't mind turning 40.  Really.  My crow's feet have landed on a face with over twenty years of marriage and parenting experiences.  This is unlike my stretch marks which just barged right on in without caring where they landed.
My youngest is nine.  You'd think the stretch marks on my butt might have faded by now, but no they have to stay obnoxiously purple.  I suppose I could consider them a mutant style super power.  They are the reason you could eat off my kitchen floor and why my toilets sparkle.

Some of you liked my page today based on a comment I made on this article:
...and I thank you because obviously I have this housewife thing right down.  Since my kids grew out of toddlerhood my housewife success has increased by at least 80%.  Suddenly my children can converse instead of scream and that's been an immense help around the house.

My children, all sons, are now 20, 15 and then the 9 year old.  This makes me the old mom.  This makes me the mom that tells the new moms that they don't really need a $200 diaper bag because it's SOOOOO CUTE or a teeny blender to make baby food out of avocados and steamed jicama.  I'm the mom that says it's okay to pull boogers out of your kid's noses so they look presentable at the grocery store.  I'm the mom who thinks that if they eat dirt that it's good for their immune systems (probably the boogers too.  Don't repeat that.)  I'm the mom who once served cake and ice cream for dinner.

I have advice to give.

You're welcome to it, I guess.

What else have I got to do all day around here?  ;)

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

I'd rather spread the wealth.

It's arrived right on schedule.  School started a month ago.  The snot started flowing last weekend.

My husband brought the snot home.  He's a teacher.  Snot is part of the job.

Throughout this week he's hacked and coughed and snorted and otherwise dealt with snot.  He was bad enough off to ask the pharmacist to sell him the good medicine kept behind the counter lest the meth heads get a hold of it.

He took a couple pills, they worked as they should, and then he felt a little frisky. 

Cold medicine is an aphrodisiac.  Romance is more romantic without snot but apparently germ transfer happens regardless.

Today I started in on the sneezing and the sore throat.  By tonight I will be fully immersed in snot.  By Sunday I will be a dried and crusted human petri dish.

Cold medicine does not make me feel frisky.  When I take cold medicine I shouldn't drive or operate heavy machinery.  Even running my hair dryer might be a bigger risk than I should take.

So, if I start talking about farts and sex on Facebook, know that's me on my healthy days...but if I start up on conspiracy theories and Tea Party idolatry, you know that I took something in an effort to start breathing again.

Geez, I hope I can breathe.  For the love of all that is holy, I hope I can breathe.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Goodbye Ma Duggar. I love you.

I'm about to do a risky thing.
It's something I've been mulling over for a while.  At least three years.  There were always reasons not to do it.  It's too big of a change.  It will affect the kids.  We can't possibly live this way.
But, I think we can live this way.
It will be a shock at first.  Old habits die hard.  The kids will certainly be affected.  There may be tears.

It has to be done.
I'm going to cancel cable and honest, we'll be just fine.
This week one of my projects is to go over the budget for the upcoming school year.  When you live on a public school teacher's income from time to time it's good to comb over the money so you just don't go and blow it.
Cable TV.  It's blowing.

We can afford it and it's nice to spend ten minutes scrolling through a menu trying to decide what to watch, but ultimately we're not watching.  We're bored. 
Breaking Bad is over.   Mad Men is about done and I can hold on until it shows up on Netflix.  Sunday nights without the Walking Dead?  We'll figure it out.  No Duggars?  My lip is quivering a little...

Jon Stewart's on Hulu Plus for a substantial savings every month.

And Downton Abbey, Downton Abbey is only a PBS station away.  That Earl of Grantham is one sexy sexy man.  So is Mr. Bates but I think he's hiding more dark dirty secrets and Anna is going to become prostrate with betrayal.  At least three of them will get killed off.

Not even Sharknado can convince me to stay plugged in.

I plan on updating my readers and other hangers on about this decision around mid January.

The delirium tremens should be over by then but that's when the cravings will be at their worst.

Maybe I'll learn to knit this winter.

Monday, September 08, 2014

Gotta catch'em all

Woo I'm tired!

It's a good kind of tired.  The kind of tired that goes into putting a lot of work into something you love to do, being surrounded by people who also love what you do, and then saying goodbye to the ones you love.
Or sort of saying goodbye.  It was a premature embarkation.
This morning I woke up at five to drive my Navy son 120 miles to the nearest airport.  He'd come home on leave to attend Salt Lake Comic Con and leave always has to end.  We got into the airport, parked needlessly too far away, got to the right terminal via a long and crowded shuttle ride, and then discovered that his flight was scheduled for the next day.

This means that after a week of straight heavy sewing on Comic Con costumes, three days of crazy Con attendance, and one day of this night owl being up way too early, I have another day of get up and go tomorrow.  Waking up at five in the morning is always something makes me so goddamned chipper.
It's okay though.  An extra day with the Sailor Manchild?  I'll take it.

He had the time of his life at the Con.  Have a picture of my children.  That jowl faced woman in the middle is me. 

 Left to right, the Sailor Manchild as a human version of the Pokémon Gardevoir,  Becky - The Absent Minded Housewife as the housewifely Lucy Ricardo, my nine year old as Ventus from Kingdom Hearts, and my fifteen year old as Sora from Kingdom Hearts.

My little Ventus met these YipYips and it made him very happy. 

I met John Coffey and that made me happy.  Mmmm happy.

The Sailor Manchild bought a bunch of Pokémon badges and that made him happy.


All the costume watching made me a happy girl in general.  We left each day tired.

This is what I hope to be doing tomorrow as soon as I get back from the airport. 

Then it's back to the sewing.  Halloween is coming.

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