Friday, August 05, 2005

My husband slept on the couch last night.

I hate migraines.

We started the day early. Driving almost two hours into Salt Lake for a 10:00 am doctor's appointment makes early mornings necessary. I farkin HATE getting up early. All you early birds? You suck.

I do enjoy my six week postpartum checkup though. This is when the doctor tells me I'm allowed to resume all of my normal activities, hint hint wink wink. The doctor performs pelvic exam and a pap schmear. All the fun and none of the commitment. Then, because my OB/GYN is feeling especially gushy, he gives me a side hug. I love a man that will cuddle with you after the main event.

We follow this with shopping and lunch. The brief rides in the roasting oven hot car cause us to need to spend two hour visits in each air conditioned store.

My older boys start getting antsy pantsy. Run here, run there. Touch this and that. Twirl shuffle mumble scream. If there was more booze in Utah stores it would drive me to drinkin'. Why don't they sell Prozac over the counter?

I buy two bras at Walmart. When you live so far from a Walmart it morphs into a magical fairyworld of a place, worthy of respect and awe. Three full rows of bras! Three full rows and not one of them is a 34 D. Yes folks, my once perky A cups have also morphed into the magical fairyworld proportions of drooping footballs. Excuse me while I moo. I pick 36 Ds with the intent to take them in around the band.

The ride home is HOT. Kaelan (my oldest boy, 11) whimpers because he's the only one in the world that should not be subject to such heat. I have the patience of a gnat and let him know his whimpering is not appreciated. The baby sleeps. Boo (the middle boy, 6) sleeps. I sleep laying over the baby's carseat. I'm only half suprised Justin didn't sleep while driving. It wouldn't have mattered if he had, that road is pretty straight back home. Air conditioning, blah right.

I lay down as soon as we arrive home. Nope, don't feel good. The headache starts and Justin brings me ibuprofen. The baby snoozes and I snooze. Then, there is scampering across my arm. I wake and see a BIG ASS SPIDER on my arm. I scream and fling and the spider lands on my sweet sleeping baby. Normally I'm not afraid of BIG ASS SPIDERS but they really shouldn't be scampering on me in bed and then landing on my baby when I fling them. I pick up the baby and spider lands on the bed pillow. I flip bed pillow and spider hits the wall and then lands down at the baseboard. This all happens in the space of time it takes Justin to get to the bedroom when he'd heard my scream. All I say to him is "big spider!" and point. Normally I'm not afraid of big spiders, but he is and he hates them. I'm just not awake or lively enough to do anything about it. He's the man though, and sprays it with window cleaner until it submits and then Justin pops him like a zit in tissue.

My poor head can't take the sudden rush of spider induced adrenaline and gives in to pain. PAIN. I haven't had a migraine in a year so the powers that be decide I'm well overdue. Justin brings me more ibuprofen. If I can catch the migraine before it gets too bad it will go away, but if it's well on it's way nothing is gonna touch it and I have to wait it out. This one I wait out with the usual pattern. Throbbing pain, then nausea, then the vomitting. After that, I can pass out thinking that God is a bastard. Luckily the baby is sleeping six hour stretches in the night which means I can stay passed out for a while. When I wake the pain will be gone leaving a foggy brain too big for my skull pressure.

My husband spends the night on the couch so he won't disturb me.

I wake at 6 am to nurse, then at three hour intervals after that. I manage to get up at noon with a migraine hangover. I thank the bastard god that I don't have migraines for days like some folks.

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