Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Sucking a Golf Ball Through a Garden Hose

Wednesday I visit with my OB/GYN again so he can brutally assault my belly button and my fallopian tubes. I enjoy conceiving babies but my husband has bribed me with a big gulp. He knows I'm cheap.

When I went in for my six week postpartum checkup my doc felt mushy and gave me a side hug. I felt mushy too! If you are a postpartum woman and you've regained your tight bod at six weeks, well, you can kiss the remaining 25 lbs of the 75 I gained. And you can thank me for the privilege. I'm expecting to get a full on massage from my OB/GYN this time. It's the least he can do, after all he's billing me so he can assault my fallopian tubes.

We live pretty far from any hospital so we are going to be at my parent's house in Utah County. I expect at some point to be dragged to the buffet hell that is a restaurant called ChuckaRama. I live in a casino town folks. We have BUFFET. Not buffet but BUFFET. Up-ChuckaRama just doesn't compare. And not to be insulting, but I feel like the only family in the joint that didn't try to pay for one plate for their kids to share. Did I say I'm cheap? I'm not THAT cheap. I will actually spring for my kids to have their own plates. I'm just that kind of mommy.

When I get back to you all I will be properly sterilized. Here's to misguided ovulation!


  1. Good luck. Instead of having my tubes sliced and diced, we're gonna have the hubbys jewels done.

    Yea, it's all about me! :)

  2. your story reminds me... i need to refill my birth control. have fun in happy valley!

  3. If I get the bullets taken out of my fun gun I will be like John Wayne, shootin blanks. I then can point it at anyone and not have a worry in the world. Blanks can only cause damage at really close range ;-)
    And on the BUFFET topic, I am an Olympic buffet champ. If I know I am about to embark on a trip to the BUFFET I prepair for a feasting that the ancient romans would have been proud of. And oh yeah, I always pay for my kids, get your own damn plate lol!

  4. Becky...sorry "ChuckaRama" sounds like a purge party for super models.

  5. Ouch...just thinking of any human getting spayed or neuteered makes me cringe...granted, I think more people should have it done, especially those with the 15 kids who don't know what birth control is...but I digress....If I get started there I won't ever stop. Anyway, I hope you will be feeling well afterwards and I'm cringing in pain for you in advvance. :-)


  6. I was spayed in August.
    Nothing to it ma'dear.

    Good luck with up-Chuck-Rama .... woudl you like me to send some Pepto?

  7. What a woman! Good luck to you. At least your family could spring for a favorite restuarant. After all look what you are willing to do for them.

  8. You are amazing, and many of us can relate to your story. It took me years to loose the weight from pregnancy, but once it was off, it stayed that way for a long time.

    Three cheers to Dennys!!


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