Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective Marrieds

Married with kids romance is a complicated process. Because the loss of brain cells new love stupidity is gone there are many things a couple must consider...

1. Can we really interrupt the 9:00 pm program on TV? Crap! Is there a tape we can record this show on? We should get TiVo. Let's look over the budget sometime. Let's just buy more tapes...

2. You ate (pickles, garlic, ranch dressing, onion rings, chile relleno, ramen) for lunch didn't you? I can still taste it! You ate (broccoli, burritoes, cheese, sour cream, tofu, pretzels) for lunch didn't you? I can still smell it!

3. That noise...it was a kid wasn't it! No wait, it wasn't. Wait, it was. "Go to SLEEEEEEEP!" Did you lock the door. I don't know, go check. Where are my pants? Get the cat off the bed!

4. Take off your socks. It's cold in here! Put your feet here. Ewww no! Honey, do you mind that I haven't shaved my legs for three months? No? I love you. I'm sorry about the socks, I'll take them off...uhh....grunt...they.won't.budge. I'll shave tomorrow, I promise.

5. Is the...garbage out? Dinner pan soaking? Baby covered? Computer really off? Cat in? Chickens plucked?

6. How long IS that Disney video anyway? Fifteen minutes. That'll do. The kids never go in the laundry room, syncronize the watches and I'll see you there at 15.05 hours.

7. Don't worry, I'll make a fresh pot of coffee in the morning. I'll be fine.

You folks got a #8?


  1. I don't have #8, but we consider #6 all the time!! :)

    Also, get a Tivo. Worth every penny.

  2. I can relate to all of these, as I am sure anyone married with children can.

    My number 8 would be my husband asking me to find his keys, glasses, socks, papers, or anything else he has misplaced!

  3. 8. You want to what? I'm asleep already for fuck sake.

  4. #8.....


    ..... you gotta angle yourself across the bed, Ste...err...honey, so that the bed doesn't bang against the wall or they're gonna know what we're doing!!!

  5. O.M.G. That is hysterical!!

    #8 "You get one. No, you! I got it last time. Screw you now,your not getting anything!!" LOL!

  6. HAHAHAHA that is absolutely fucking hilarious...I love it...

    I can't think of an 8, but if I do I'll let you know.


  7. It's amazing anyone has more than one child, isn't it???? And yes, Tivo has done wonders for our sex life--sex first, skip through commercials on program, fall asleep before it ends. Poifect.

    I was gonna say what Kathie said...


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