Thursday, October 06, 2005

A Very Special Episode of AMHW...Becky Explains Puberty

I've been bombarded on all sides with evidence of other people's puberty today. If I don't get it out of my system I will dream about it tonight and experiencing puberty once was plenty.

When I was 10 years old I noticed that my nipples were enlarged and sore. This upset me. I showed my Mom, panicked, because I had somehow contracted breast cancer. I didn't want to DIE! I don't know how my mom kept a straight face when she explained how breasts developed and that I was going to be sore for the next 6 years of my life. Beaming, I took my new information back to my room where I savored the thought of becoming a woman and finally getting that legendary Judy Blume period.

I get my first bra at age 12, a strip of 30 AA knit fabric with a bow in the middle. From 10 to 12 I don't grow anything except puffy nipples. I was 14 when I graduated to a small 32 A. I had started to develop finally...at least that is what I thought. My breasts got competitive with each other and the right side was winning the race. My left side got a runner's cramp and gave up. At 16 I graduated to a full A cup on one side and a wad of toilet paper on the left. I still had glimmers of hope. At age 18 I graduate high school wearing the same bra I bought at age 16, still lopsided. Hopes of developing the big as your head chests of my Mom and two older sisters dashed.

I develop breasts when I'm pregnant. I go from lopsided A's to lopsided D's. My husband likes this. When I'm done being pregnant and nursing I go back to perky lopsided A's. This is my preference. I just can't quite get the hang of waking up with my breast in my armpit.

Since I've been looking at boobs today on the boobiethon and wondering why I didn't get boobs like they did, I thought I'd post my own half naked Thursday photo, ala bored housewife. If I gots em right now, I'll flaunts em right now. But not later...shoo shoo.

Shoo...

Persistent bugger, ain't ya?


If puberty still confuses you, check out this stinkin link right here. This is NSFW and for educational purposes only. If you don't want to see cartoon...uh...parts, don't click.

Now I'm going to go watch HBO.

9 comments:

  1. I'm glad we caught you still in "D" mode. Very nice Becky.

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  2. I must say that I as much as I like nice large round sweater meat...ther is definitely something to be said for perky and small...In my somehwaat limited experience :-) I have found that they are usually much more sensitive and can cause much more pleaseure when tweaked just right than the rather large bags 'o fun.

    Again, this is just in my limited experience....not fact or anything.

    And yes, it is a very nice picture...be proud of 'em while you got 'em!

    Cheers!

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  3. Gorgeous!!

    A or D .... I love TATAS!

    Being a VERY full D (almost DD), I long to NOT have my boobs in my armpits, or walk into a room before I do!

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  4. Beautiful photograph....

    I am impressed you can remember all those facts about the bra sizes! Seems as if I have forgotten all of mine.

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  5. You mean they go back perky after giving birth?

    Why didn't I get that? No fair!! :)

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  6. Well they did with one and with two...the jury is still out with three.

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  7. Mostly I miss the added perkiness of the full Bs I had before pregnancy. In my family, we gain a cup size with each pregnancy, and I'm thinking that since I got a two-fer on the kids that I deserve the two-fer on the cup sizes...ok, fine, so if I was as skinny as I want/need/plan/sacrificed 3 white chickens to be, they would only be full Cs. I'm all for ganging up on women who magically return to pre-preg bodies with no effort in less than 2 months.

    and yes, I am still confused about puberty. Everyone's boobs are lopsided, yours just might be a little more noticeable.

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  8. Yup, mine are noticeably lopsided. I am not embarrassed to admit that I stuff to even myself out and own a couple bra inserts to do so!

    I can't decide. Is it my right breast that's more adorable or the left?

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  9. You TEASE! If I peer really hard, I can almost see a nipple....

    You people all got to experience Bs and Cs on your way to Ds? I didn't. I was flat one day and woke up a DD the next. And just for the record, AMHW's 'As' are positively delightful!

    G

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