Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Life, Death and Toyboxes.

Saw II...Psycho Freaky Movie. Me likey. Better than Saw one? Oh yeah. I love a good horror flick, one that assumes I have a brain. This movie also assumes I'm going to the movie to watch it and not to impress my naive date hoping to score a hot buttered popcorn rub down. If there was a Saw II in IMAX I'd be the first in line to watch it.


Now that I've introduced this post with horror, I'm going to continue the theme with my yearly reading of my husband's obituaries. Yes plural.

Most every highschool student has had to do the exercise of writing their own obit in an effort to churn out creative thinking. Reading your student's obituaries is a painful process. What is supposed to be creative turns dull after the first three papers. Out of a class of 25 kids, 24 of them are going to be multimillionaires and pro basketball players. None of them die accountants.

Justin turns this around by having the students write HIS obituary. He presents this assignment every year around Halloween. I read them and judge ten or so papers the winners. There is nothing more creative than imagining all the ways your asshole waytoomuchhomework English teacher is going to die.

So far Justin has:
Died from a student's fart
Died from his own fart
Died in a drag queen electrocution
Died from being a failure as a gangbanger, holding up pastry trucks
Died because I killed him after learning he'd faked his own death

And that's only a sampling from the first dozen or so papers.

Justin's students can't believe I sit there laughing as I read. They think I must hate him if I laugh so much. At least they aren't picturing their English teacher doing normal married things, like sitting on the couch burping and farting in front of each other and barely noticing it unless it's an extreme emission. Ahhhh marriage....


I STILL can't find my corset! I will be killing folks shortly if I can't! I've looked in the kid's toyboxes and under the kitchen sink. If any of you are my psychic friends would you PLEASE tell me where I left it? Thanks!


  1. I always find these things in a box under my bed, in the stray sock basket, or the mending. Good Luck!

  2. I heard about this advertising scheme on a another blog, that gives away free Apple ipods. It sounded like a scam, but after I googled it, it was legitmiate. You have to sign up for an offer from one the sponser companies. I did the free credit report one and canceled before the free trial time was up. Here's the link, check it out.

  3. Hey, I'm not the anonymous who spammed you, btw. Who's getting in on my Anonymous name? That sucks.

    Is Justin wearing your corset? Did you check?

    Justin's obit: one of the midgets in the attic wasn't really dead, but in a coma; after several days, it came back to life/consciousness and murdered him by forcing him to eat three pounds of dry minute rice, then guzzle gatorade and taping his mouth shut.

    Twisted? Me? Naw.....

    Signed, the REAL Anonymous

  4. Even the name Saw II makes me feel scared! I am not a horror movie fan at all!

    You will find your corset, and if not, you can make a new one!!! (maybe)

  5. I'd let you borrow MY corset...but...

  6. Okay, I couldn't even watch two minutes of the Grudge because the MUSIC was too scary. I used to love that assignment. I think I got strangled with a jock strap and died of asphyxiation.

  7. his assignment is great....what fun that would have been back when I was in school.

  8. What a great assignment...daring to some degree, but what's an English teacher with out some big balls and a lot of passion for getting kids to actually think!

  9. That is a great and very creative assignment. However, I love that people have actually said that he dies from farts.

    Does anybody ever really die from farts?


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