Saturday, January 14, 2006

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

I sat down to write a story about my day but then I had an overwhelming urge for a sundae. The blank blogger page had to wait until I got this lovely bowlful of vanilla ice cream topped with caramel sauce, whipped cream and two maraschino cherries. And I just dripped onto my jeans. So much for good graces and warm thighs.

So...Today Justin and I decided to take turns escorting a twenty dollar bill to one of the local casinos. We don't do this very often. It's usually something we enjoy doing when we have visitors but today we thought we'd attempt to win enough to buy something really neat from Ebay.

Justin's trip put him ahead by twenty dollars. That was enough to buy something neato like this! He didn't bid. Instead he increased my one on one date with a twenty dollar bill to a threesome with an extra hot shekshay twenty dollar bill. I didn't know what to wear!

I grab my player's card, fully dressed, and head out to the casino. I hit a hot machine and play my way up to $80. An hour and a half later I leave with five bucks. I'm not broke, wooohoooo! That's approximately 3 seconds of neon lighting I just paid for.

Pulling out of the parking lot I spot a flicker of black fur on the side of the road across the street. Lady Luck is an ironic whore, throwing an UNlucky black kitten to cross my path. She knows I'm going to attempt to take it home...

(People often drop their kittens off in my town because it's in the middle of nowhere. Itinerary - drive 120 miles, drop off kittens, play penny slots, eat buffet, play megabucks slot machine, attempt to buy cheap likker, hit on a cocktail waitress.)

I park my fabulous minivan in the back lot of the most run down casino in town, which is near to where I saw the kitty. The place smells like aspercream, grease and thirty year old unfiltered camels. It's the home of the twenty four hour 99 cent breakfast. This unlucky black kitten had taken up residence in a drain pipe. I tried to coax it out of it's pathetic winter abode but he was not in a listening spirit. I'd move out of his line of sight and his head would pop up. He'd smirk at me, stick out his tongue and then wiggle his way back into the pipe.

I soon gave up on his cheeky feline ass. I don't need a kitten funnier than I am.

Yet, Lady Luck had one last dig for me. I notice, on my way back to the van, that drain pipe kitty's two siblings were stretched out nearer the casino back building. Another all black cat and a long haired black and white calico. They looked at me with great big sweet pwecious cuddly eyeballs. I needed a kitten. They needed me! I end up chasing two more cheeky kittens around a casino parking lot amongst the beer bottles. They played "keep away" with my dignity. Feline bastards.

Amazingly this isn't the first time I've done this. The first time it was in a casino parking lot at one in the morning. I'd discovered a little grey kitten in the wheel well of the econoline van parked next to me. That kitten spat and ran, spat and ran.

Those kittens don't know what they are missing out on at my house. I just dripped more ice cream onto the plastic chair mat. Not to mention that I've tied my two maraschino cherry stems into knots with my tongue.

4 comments:

  1. Forget the kitties, if there is a steady suppply of ice cream sundaes *I* will come and live there!

    My little dogs hover around my chair when I am eating. They KNOW something is gonna hit the floor.

    First time at your blog, I like!

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  2. Does my big sis need a new pussy......................cat?

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  3. "They looked at me with great big sweet pwecious cuddly eyeballs."

    Jesus, you even managed to coax an "Ahhhh" from me and I don't do that. Now I need a kitten!

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  4. A much under rated talent, and one guaranteed earn free drinks and significant male attention when exercised in a drinking establishment - tying cherry stems in a knot with ones tongue. I've managed to drink free all eveing with that one.

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