Tuesday, February 07, 2006

A Lesson in Anatomy

Study these brightly colored and well drawn diagrams I stole from someone's site. There may be a pop quiz later.

Do you think the redness indicates irritation? Meh, I dunno...onto the lesson.

For the many years that I've been conversing with folks on the internets I've had the pleasure of coming across grown people who haven't the faintest idea the anatomy of the reproductive organs. Let me give you some examples.

1. I've run into not one but two men who believed that women passed urine through their vaginas.
2. A man that is adamant that his wife goes to her doctor for a prostate checkup yearly.
3. A man that is sure that the clitoris is also the urinary opening.
4. A man that proclaimed that his wife couldn't possibly be going through menopause because she had her tubes tied several years ago.
5. A man that did questionable things to a tomato.

This anatomical ignorance makes you wonder if that popular urban myth about the couple visiting their doctor/priest/couples counselor complaining about the inability to conceive (because they hadn't realized they hadn't achieved penetration) has a basis in truth.

Lemme tell you...you do no one any favors if you don't know how your bits work or how your partner's bits work. If you are an expert on how bits work, email me privately later, wink wink.

When I was a young, newly married mother I had a freshly engaged friend who absolutely refused to use hormonal based birth control. This was because her doctor wanted to perform her first pelvic exam and pap schmear before prescribing it. Oh the embarrassment! I tried to explain to the blushing bride that if she got pregnant that a doctor would definitely be looking thoroughly at her crotch and sticking lots of things up there, but she would hear none of it. Honestly lady, the docs won't laugh at your orifices until after you leave their offices.

There is no reason to be embarrassed or ignorant about the functions of your genitalia! Forgetful about their functions maybe...but not ignorant! I guarantee you will not go to hell if you find the clitoris. Your first step in finding it is going to a library and checking out a human sexuality text.

So...pop quiz.

1. T or F -- The female urethra can be found inside the vagina, which is why women leak urine when they sneeze when they are knocked up.

2. Breasts are:
A) A reproductive organ...they seem to be all over.
B) Genitalia, men have penises and women have boobies.
C) A fun hobby.

3. A woman's prostate is located where?

4. The bigger a man's nose and feet, the bigger his _________?

These will be graded on accuracy and the ability to concisely express knowledge. Anyone caught cheating will receive an automatic failing grade.


  1. you are a troubled young lady.... or is it just that you ARE trouble? tsk, tsk, tsk.

    any woman who thinks that they will one day like to have kiddos from scratch had better get used to the idea that their nether bits will be up for scrutiny by ... well, lots of folks. Plus, just for the record I think that it's just wrong for the hospital folks to wait till you show up panting and in pain to ask if they can have a "student or twelve come in and observe." My answer when they asked was "whatever, where is my epidural?"

    upon reflection that wasn't too cool.

  2. Those five statements you had from the I-net sort of remind me of the story about what the blond said when her doctor told her she was pregnant. "Are you sure it is mine?" Were those for real?

    I am an old guy but even in the late 50s our classes in high school taught us most of what your drawings showed, if not all. Being an old guy I sometimes don't remember exactly where/when I learned certain things. I agree with you about the importance of a couple knowing each other's bodies & health conditions. Annie & I always went to doc apts together and it often was good as one of us might remember something important that the other had forgotten.

  3. My husband thinks that the clitorous is a handbag or something.

  4. What friend was that?? You are a sicko!! I thought this was a family friendly blog!

  5. Just to give you something to look forward to - women leak urine when they laugh/sneeze/cough after they're no longer able to get knocked up. It's nature's way of making up for the disappointment of not having a period anymore. From maxi-pads to Poise pads - and I haven't been able to find Poise pads configured to wear with a thong?? Agism is rampant!

  6. YOU, are hysterical. That is a GREAT post. I'm amazed at how little people know about their own body or the body of the partner.

    Very good!

  7. Ok, here's my 100 percent answers...

    1. Uh..damn..uh..True??

    2. A fun hobby. Everyone knows that!

    3. In the Divorce decree?

    4. Lies?

    What'd ya say your email was?? ;)


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