Monday, March 06, 2006

Buttons and Bows

We like The Oscars at my house. There is always much talk about what all the women are wearing. The red carpet commentators (Joan Rivers is nauseating, the woman is half rubber) will always comment on the tuxedoed men, but really, who cares...tuxedoes are tuxedoes are tuxedoes. Show me the dresses. Show me cleavage!

It's my pretense and my pleasure to bestow upon Hollywood the Absent Minded Oscars Best Dressed and Worst Dressed awards.

Best Dressed...the award goes to, drumroll...Keira Knightley!

Classically beautiful...great lines. The dress, without trim or fluff or doodads speaks for itself. It's excellent on her skin tone and brings out her face. The jewelry has to be just as dramatic as the dress...Keira's choice is perfection. A downside, while I like the ponytail, it was unnecessary to add the bow to her hair. It detracts from the necklace. Her hair should have been rubber banded and then a lock of her own hair wrapped around the band to hide.

Worst Dressed...There were two ladies vying for this title but the washed out and fraying Naomi Watts was edged out by a bright, drumroll...Michelle Williams!

What's bad about this dress is that it tries so hard. When you design it's important to adhere to a basic theme. This dress has four themes going. There is the wrap portion at the hips. There is the belted waist (which goes against the wrap.) There is the pleated neckline (which goes against the wrap.) There is the self fabric floral trim at the back of the dress (which goes against the pleats and the belted waist.) Had the dress stuck to one or two themes, Michelle would have looked more tied together. The wrap portion of the dress is it's strongest point and should have been carried across the bosom, then we could have forgiven the dehydrated pee color.

To even further blast the look apart, Michelle wears a clashing necklace and lipstick. She's a pair of lips walking down the red carpet.

Michelle's hair is lovely.

And you thought I'd give the worst dressed to Dolly Parton...nah. She plays a character and dresses as such. Anything less and you would have wondered if Dolly felt ill and been tempted to put your palm on her forehead.


  1. Well, yeller or not...uh...well, she's nice anyway.

  2. I believe that you forgot the ginormous bow that was wearing Charlize Theron....

  3. I don't know that much about gowns and what is the best or worst designs....but I'm pretty sure a mustard color on a fair skinned blonde isn't a good idea. Joan Rivers is a certifiable NUTJOB....she confused Lee Majors with Larry McMurtry she has "Oldtimers" disease.
    Not to mention cosmetic sugery that looks like it was done by a Tiajuana upholstery shop.

  4. I forgot to watch it so will go with your review. I tend to like the simple designs better than those that almost seem they are trying to tack things on to "fix" the dress. I did see Charlize Theron's on the "Today" show this morning & think it is a good example of something weird tacked on for no real purpose.

  5. What no comments about Dolly's wierd lips? Holy collegen!

  6. My god....I actually see what you mean when its explained in such lucid terms.

  7. You know...I never actually bothered to look that closely to the dresses...usually what was in them, but it does give a uniqu perspective that I am not used


  8. Dolly Parton played the part of Jack Nicholson playing the part of The Joker. Those lips scared me.

    At least Michelle Williams was brave enough to wear lipstick with pigment in it. Every other woman wore neutral lipstick—beige, tan, blah.


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