Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The San Francisco Treat

I'm about to recount a little funny story about me. I figure there is no better way to foster an intimate setting with my readers and other hangers on than to recount embarrassing personal history. It's important that you all know what has expired to mold me into the upstanding adult I am today!

I was four. I did normal four year old things, like play with bugs and abuse my dollies and cut my own hair. I enjoyed mud! I enjoyed arts and crafts!

That day's arts and crafts attempt was stringing macaroni for necklaces. We were given an entire bag of dry macaroni which also contained the odd shell shaped noodle...for variety. I think Mom just wanted me and my little sis out of her aqua netted hair long enough to enjoy watching Family Feud.

Oh the possibilities! Adorning oneself with yards and yards of stringed macaroni is so enticing at that age.

What also seemed to be extremely enticing was shoving a shell shaped macaroni up each nostril...

Yes, you read that right.

Did I have any reasoning in my little four year old brain behind such an act? Do I even have to ask that question?

One shell I managed to get out on my own without much problem, but the other wouldn't budge. I shoved my finger up that nostril and only managed to push it closer to my nonreasoning brain. Panic set in after my zillionth nosepoking. I had to tell someone...HELP!

Through tears I explained to my mom that the pretty shell macaroni was up my nose. My parents tried in vain to remove it but could not. When shell macaroni gets soft in a moist environment, like a pot of boiling water or one's nasal passage, it acts just like a little suction cup. The macaroni had claimed squatters rights.

I was whisked away to the closest emergency room for a macaroni-ectomy. I remember being held down while a doctor shoved various instruments up my nose, to no avail. In a final ditch effort some kind of stinging liquid was squirted up my nose. I remember shouting, "It burns! It burns!" How Exorcist of me. The doc held a tissue up to my nose and told me to blow hard. The force of my exhale could have ripped his hand off his wrist had he not steeled himself. Defeated, the macaroni popped out easily.

I was given a sucker and a sticker and sent home. Shell macaroni was banned in our home for several years after that.

Say...anyone hungry?


  1. Mmmmm, snotty steamy yummy!

  2. For some reason,I decided a cute pair of cloth covered buttons would fit nicely into my 4 year old nose.

  3. When my boys were growing up the ER docs knew the youngest one by name. That only comes from too many trips to "visit" them in their work space! Now he is a 31 year old cop but while skate boarding with a neighbor boy last year he managed to break his arm. Some things don't change.

  4. Don't lie, add a 1 in front of the 4 and you get 14. You always liked to sniff things! I am telling our mother you made fun of her precious Aqua Net!

  5. OMGosh! That is so funny! All that for a stick and a sucker, lol!

    I'll be sure to have both those on hand!


  6. uh yeah dry macaroni is easy to deal with...moist it up and a noodle can be a nosefull

    beck glad you lived through what could have been an otherwise noodledeath.

  7. It's always puzzled me why some kids have to stick stuff in their noses and why it never occurs to others. Did you stick your fingers in electrical sockets too? I think there must be a co-relation.


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