Friday, April 21, 2006

Little ditty 'bout Jack and Diane

To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it the more fit for its prime function of looking forward.
~Margaret Fairless Barber, The Roadmender

There are places I remember all my life
Though some have changed
~The Beatles


Have you ever used someone without them knowing? I'm using someone mercilessly and he has no clue. I don't think he'd mind.

Just recently I came across the online profile of my first high school boyfriend. On my 100th post, #97 out of the 100 things about me, I state that I still have a lot of admiration for anyone I ever dated except for one person. Just to clarify, this isn't the boyfriend with the unibrow and the strange looking penis.

Reading about him now, fifteen years after first knew him, makes one think Deep Jack Handy type thoughts.

If he knew me today would he see a person that's progressed as much as my potential would allow?

Don't get me wrong, this isn't romance oriented. It's not even nostalgia. I'm using him as a self inspection barometer. He's more symbol than anything else.

When I look into myself I'm not disappointed. I like my life. I am thankful for my talents. I'm proud of my knowledge and skills. I've developed, what I think, are decent morals and principles. I've stayed away from more strange looking penises.

But...

Am I as proud of my flaws? Am I so quick to spout those off as I am my successes? Do I justify and defend where it's not warranted? And..have I whined enough fer ya? Should I type "strange looking penis" again?

This post has been building in my head since the creepy email post. It doesn't help that I recently spied my first boyfriend's brother out of my sister's kitchen window, playing catch in his inlaws backyard over Easter weekend.

I broke up with this nice young man after dating him more than a year. I saw our paths going different directions. I knew I needed more experiences. I hurt him.

I wonder if his nose is itching right about now.

2 comments:

  1. I recently rejoined Classmates.com, a web site I belonged to a few years ago when it was new. I have sent email notes to some (4) of my classmates but so far have not gotten any responses. Maybe people list themselves (you don't have to join to list yourself with your class) just to see their name on the Internet but don't intend to follow through. It is a bit frustrating.

    That site sure has a lot of ads that show up on their pages, too. And it now costs $39 a year. I may not renew next year.

    ReplyDelete
  2. High School... who wants to remember?
    Well looking is ok, so what? I know there are creeps everywhere. Sorry you had to go through that.

    Yeah, somehow these past people seem to symbolize something, and sometimes it is like a point in time to refrence from... like "I remember those days"...

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