Tuesday, May 09, 2006

You fail at life!

This morning, whilst dropping my kids off to school, I almost witnessed the death of a way too morning perky eight year old. I'd dropped off my kids in the school parking lot near the crosswalk, like the instructions handed out at the beginning of the school year told me to. There are three places in the parking lot that you can do this, separated by parking spaces.

The lady behind me didn't read the instructions. She assumed I wasn't moving my fabulous minivan forward through the crosswalk and out of the parking lot because I wanted to ruin her morning! It's when she inched her SUV around my vehicle, through two parking spaces, nearly taking out my front headlight that she realized it would behoove her to STOP FOR THE KID IN THE CROSSWALK!

All the while I'm thinking, "Lady, you fail at life!"

I followed her out of the parking lot. Turns out she lives a block from me. She got kinda paranoid when I followed her the entire way home. Heh...karma.

There are plenty of behaviors that will make normal sane folk and most insane folk determine that you're failing at life. Here are a few of my picks:

  • People who leave dirty pampers anywhere but proper trash receptacles. Double failure for people who leave the pampers open. YFAL.
  • People who let their toddler children push their carts in the grocery store unsupervised. That elderly lady moaning on the floor holding her hip? Yeah, your brat did that! YFAL.
  • People that insist on opening doors to public places with their feet so they can avoid germs with their hands and therefore they've left all their shoe sole germs for everyone else. Get a tissue. Double failure if you are a toilet hoverer in an effort to avoid seat germs. You sprinkle when you tinkle. YFAL.
  • People who have grown unfortunate plastic tumors off their ears...called cell phones. There are times when you should turn the thing off and quit yakkin'! YFAL.
  • People who let their kids have computers in their rooms with internet connections who have absolutely no filters or keyloggers or timers on the thing, much less any sort of supervision. Watch tomorrow's Dateline if you want to know why this is dumb. YFAL.
  • Anyone who actively programs spam, viruses, spyware, malware or bots. May you roast like suckling pigs in the depths of hell. YFAL.

I could go on and on. But then, if I do go on, I'm whining...and constant whining is a step toward failing at life. That doesn't mean that you folks can't add to my list however!


  1. How about politicians in general? From the top right down to local ones. I got public paid mailings yesterday from two of the locals so you know the political crazy season (election time) is not too far away. All those damn signs they are hot to put up but no one bothers to take down after the election. The crazy phone calls. More mailings. Ugh!

  2. About inappropriate places for used nappies - when I worked at a library I once found one under a cushion on a sofa in the children's area. Some people.

  3. People who use dressing rooms as restrooms. AND the businesses that won't let you use their restrooms, even when you have a kid who obviously needs to go.

  4. I hate those toliet hoverers too...do they really think it all went in? Fortheloveofmike!

    I'm sure most of it gets on their shoes. At least I hope so.


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