Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Have a happy butt...

Dear Mother Nature,

I am dissatisfied with the job you are doing.

I understand that you have very sound reasoning for causing a woman of childbearing age to bleed monthly, but why didn't you make the process of shedding one's uterine lining more simple?

My menstrual cramps are a bitch kitty and it's all your fault. Damn you.

I'm not feeling April fresh and it's all your fault. Damn you.

I have a three juicy pimples on my chin. Damn you.

My husband won't buy my tampons. Damn you!

All I want, Mother Nature, is to experience menses in a way that makes me feel more like a pretty pretty princess and less like a screaming undead Sam Kinison. Really, is that too much to ask?

I try to do my part Mother Nature. I don't litter. I don't use ozone destroying hairspray. I don't shoot at little birdies with BB guns. Give a little back!

Thank you for your time and consideration,

The Absent Minded Crampy Housewife


  1. jill the fav sis10/18/2006 12:52 PM

    I laugh in your general direction!!! I never have heard you say "bitch kitty" before. You must really be feeling like shit!

  2. and Blogger eats comments.... apparently, if the comment is especially dumb, Blogger will eat them twice.

    Here's hoping this gets through.

  3. AAAAY-men, sistah!!

    Next time, we should be designed with an on/off switch for childbearing purposes.

  4. HA! Well, as long as she holds the rain off to let me get 18 holes of golf in today...I won't speak ill of her.

  5. Try to enjoy it as in a few years you will get to experience menopause and no more periods. Does that sound like fun?

  6. OMG, Becky. I could've written this post for you. What I'm bent out of shape about is the smiling face doctor who told me my debilitating cramps would be relieved once I had kids...THEY'RE WORSE. be a woman.


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