Sunday, December 03, 2006

A one, and a two...

I'm a little sad today.

I've missed one of my favorite re-runs on PBS. It's pledge drive time. They've replaced regular programming with very special programming; trying to convince me to unload my wallet on their commercial free asses.

Don't I wish to make a pledge to support such spectacular shows like the one that PBS is showing you during pledge drive? No I do not! PBS only shows the really good programming during pledge drive, sneakily snatching away my Lawrence Welk. They aren't getting any moolah from me.

Yes, I'm a little sad because there was no Lawrence Welk on today.

Oh shut up...millions have loved Lawrence Welk! MILLIONS!

Lawrence Welk is a costume maker's wet dream...and I make costumes. My pants get squishy when I watch. Every performer's costume is sewn to wide lapel-ed 70's perfection. I become giddy when the camera pans toward the audience and I see long dead little old ladies in catseye glasses.

Oh the sequins! The chiffon! The bullet proof polyester pantsuits!

I think my dream job would have been to work for Larry Welk and the champagne sewers. I'm almost considering moving to Branson.

The last time I caught Larry was two weeks ago. A perfectly coiffed male performer made quite a show in singing "I've got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts". It was rendered so innocently that a person might forget that the song was about boobs. I was moved to snickering.

Oh Lawrence Welk, you accordian diddling bowhunk! Why am I so inexplicably drawn? Oh, that's right...It's because we both like blowing a good bubble.


  1. I'd have to say I enjoyed your photo of Catherine more than the one of Lawrence. I do remember him (A one-an a-two-an-a) but I usually left the room to do homework when he came on and let my parents enjoy the show. Now the Ed Sullivan show always seemed to have someone I wanted to watch on and the Ozzie & Harriet shows had Ricky and his band playing a song every week at the end of the show. Those were more like my taste.

  2. Millions may have loved your snarky accordian playing bowhunk but they are all dead.


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