Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Stick a fork in it...

So, any of you readers and other hangers on cold?

It's only below freezing around these here parts. Brrrrr. I've got tender timers going!

(These aren't my tender timers. I'm just illustrating what tender timers are for those who otherwise wouldn't know. If you didn't know what the term meant, in a double entendre sort of way, you wouldn't be offended if I told you that you had nice tender timers.)

In any use of the term, it's damned cold.

The worst part of these below freezing temps is that it makes the chilliest room in my house, my bedroom, particularly frigid. When it comes to marital maintenance...uh...doin' it... I want to obtain my tender timers in other ways besides being stinkin' cold. I've made good use of 2007's first bestest housewifely doodad...

The ceramic space heater!
While this doodad shouldn't be used as a main heating source, it's perfectly fabulous in creating a temporary balmy enviroment in one's master bedroom.

I choose ceramic because this style of space heater does not cause an unseemly red glow. You may like a red glow in the middle of marital maintenance but I prefer my glow to come from the television in our bedroom...copy of "The 40 Year Old Virgin" in the DVD player. Steve Carell...boing...tender timers!

As with any heating device, you must take care in it's use. Do not place your heater on top of the pile of laundry at the foot of the bed. Do not use your heater in preparing hot wax. Do not use your heater to light your post marital maintenance cigarette. Any to all of these activities are dangerous and could very well kill you. You've been warned.

I bought my heater at a local store for around $40 dollars. You can get yours in many sizes, wattages and price ranges from a department store near you. Some even oscillate! Read the directions for your particular model.

Mmmmmm toasty.

Thank you ceramic space heater, I like you, I really really really like you.


  1. Oh, my that's funny. And those boobs. They're very good ones. As usual, your post was fabu and I don't know where you find the words and time to do that kind of thing. Awesome, to quote a teen ager.

  2. Your tender timers look similar to those I have grown fond of up here and our persistent cold weather seems to have the same result. That's one of the few benefits of the cold. You said you don't have any snow. I'll try to send you some. We have too much.

    Your doo-dad is a good one and those ceramic types tend to be safer than those that glow red hot.

  3. its very cold here too. you know I'm in So. Calif. and I won't even say just how cold it is...I've learned my lesson about complaining about the weather...low 50's turns out, does not generate ANY kind of sympathy...I'll be quiet over here.

  4. You know with all this cold weather one does not see as much of those "tender timers" as one might want to, since they are all covered with winter clothing. I think i am going to order doodads for all the women. Oh no, that wont work, the tenders wont be so cold hence the timers (aka radar) wont appear.

    Maybe it has nothing to do with the temp, those timers might actually be excited to see me,,,,errrr NO!

    Ok back to the drawing board to plan how to get something something in this weather ;)



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