Thursday, February 22, 2007

Me love you long time.

I stayed up late last night watching The Tyra Banks Show. If you recall, my husband rather likes Tyra Banks. He thinks she has a lovely smile.

...and she didn't look fat to me.

I usually don't watch Tyra on TV, and last night I wasn't watching to discern what Tyra's got that I don't. Last night she was doing a show on a topic that I found incredibly interesting.

The Ladies of the Bunny Ranch Brothel... Tyra talks to workin' wimmins in a sensitive manner, complete with a parental warning!

I'll admit to finding the idea of prostitution in a brothel intriguing. No, I'm not going to go out tomorrow and apply for a position as a lady of the evening at the two brothels 50 miles to the west of me. I find it intriguing that simply because I have a vagina and a sense of willingness, that I can be a tradable commodity. I too could make millions in a home based business, call for your kit today!

(As an aside, I have a link to a photo of my uterus, pre and post tubal ligation, in my sidebar under " more sons." Google is bringing up the photo in image searches for "menage et trois". Hilarious...and completely free.)

When customers go to a brothel and express interest in doing business, they line up the ladies like so many chunks of meat and cheese at a deli counter. The pastrami looks very fresh today...I'll take a pound...and some potato salad too. Can I get a fork?

I wonder about how a prostitute hides those embarrassing bodily quirks we all have in the interest of customer service? What if she gets a pimple on her butt? What if she accidentally passes gas? What if the seafood she had for dinner stops agreeing with her? Does the customer get a refund if she's suddenly stricken with narcolepsy?

My husband deals with these quirks because he loves me and I trapped him into marriage. If you don't have to I don't understand why you would, much less pay a lot for it.

And how do you get around telling your latest customer that he has been your best customer this century when in reality he was no more exciting than a spoonful of milk of magnesia? I couldn't do it...I'm not that good of a salesman.

"Yeah, Dude? You suck, and not in a good way...and you were miniscule. Aww, don't cry ya wuss! NO REFUNDS! Now shoo, I've got a headache."

I guess faking an orgasm isn't that difficult.

Tyra's next shows on the calendar include:
Promiscuous Girls
Jennifer Hudson
Tyra gets on the cover of People magazine
Cindy Crawford and what it's like to be a supermodel

I'm emailing her. These shows aren't edgy enough. An expose' on the housewife blogger would bring in ratings in droves. I wouldn't have been a housewife without my vagina.

1 comment:

  1. I'd go on Tyra as a housewife Blogger... only I barely blog anymore.
    Come to think of it... I barely do the housewifey thing too, I just gotta kick this cough.


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