Friday, May 04, 2007

Itsy Bitsy Tarp

According to my newest issue of The Ladies Home Journal, it's time to begin that ever nerve wracking yearly ritual of shopping for and then buying swimwear.


Seriously, I do need new swimwear. My old swimwear is old enough to have developed lycra snags on the butt and crotch. Why go through the torture of shaving yourself clean for swimwear when your lycra snags mask your efforts?

I try not to embarrass my kids in that fashion at the public Ool...Har har, I left out the P.

Needless to say, there will be swimsuits that am I not tempted to try on, much less buy.

Glittery tampon strings are out.

Too geeky.

I can smell the butt sweat from here.

Ducks are so last year.

What? No pockets?

Oh...hell no.

I'm off to browse around Newport News. They offer nice suits for reason prices in long torso varieties. I need long torso swimwear...or else I do end up looking like Borat.

Updated the next day, May 5th: Nearly two years ago I ended a pregnancy by giving birth to a baby boy. During said pregnancy I gained 80 pounds. I vowed that someday that 80 pounds would fall off my body and maybe go to live at Paris Hilton's house. TODAY I put on my prepregnancy jeans AND THEY FIT....and Paris is going to jail. Woohooo!


  1. the one's with no pockets...are those Mormon Bathing suits?

  2. Those first ones are exciting but would they stay on if they actually tried swimming? Wait a minute, that would make it even more exciting! Are you going to post a photo of your choice for you?

  3. Oh lord. I just don't get those string things. It doesn't have anything to do with prudery it just simply isn't attractive. Be naked if you want to be naked. Don't clutter (ha! I accidently typed "slutter") it up with string and tinsle. How does one keep it covering the 1 (possibley 2) inches of nipple and the netherbits. Seems too complicated to me. I prefer nudity or a proper ass covering, tit holding bathing suit. I think they still make those. Don't they? I hope so because i too am in desperate need of a suit. The Land's End catalogue seems to have some interesting mix and match ones. Good for people like me who need, ahem, bigger bottoms than tops. Sigh.

  4. i enjoyed reading your musings on bathing suits, which made me pleased that my only decision on the matter is which shorts to wear.
    the first couple of pics were very pleasant but things kind of went downhill from there, i think!

  5. No ducks?


    CONGRATS on getting back into your prepregnancy jeans! I too gained 80 lbs, and have yet to get anywhere even CLOSE to my pre-pregnancy weight 2 YEARS LATER!!!!! Damn gestational diabetes totally messed up my body!

    I think I need the Amish girl bathing suit.

  6. Yes Meredith, I too need a bigger bottom...Um, not physical bottom...sigh, hole dug.

    I didn't have gestational diabetes. My body just knows that if it's going to make a healthy baby, it's gotta put on enough weight on my butt to act as a counterbalance to my front. I won't be having that problem again!

  7. oh my, I was looking at suits this past weekend and getting discouraged. I did not buy one. I almost did. That will be my bane for nest week!


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