Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Wash, Rinse and Dry

How about we write a post whilst we are on hold with Whirlpool? I have purchased a dishwasher. It was delivered this morning. Purchasing a dishwasher should be a simple procedure, right? Wrong! Apparently I also need some sort of thingabobs so I can actually plug the thing into an outlet. Why the company I purchased the dishwasher from didn't inform me of such a thing, I do not know. It's right made my bowels clench up.

All I want is a working dishwasher so I can retire my dishpan hands. Is that so wrong?

***

Yesterday my husband and I went on a bicycle date, taking out the new bicycles we thought we were in shape enough to ride. I'm fitting into my skinny prepregnancy pants, but that doesn't mean I can ride half a block on a slight uphill grade without feeling like my legs have turned into canned pasta.

My thirteen year old son has rightly called me a "wuss". I've been pwned, as those silly teens like to say.

***

Speaking of husbands, mine was interviewed by Bored Housewife/Lucky Lucky Star. It's the meme that's going around these days, five questions, five answers. In turn, I have asked Justin to interview me. Let's get it on.

1. If you were allowed to create your own superhero persona, who would you be, but more importantly, who would be the villians you would be sworn to defeat?

You'd expect me to say something along the lines of "fartman" (or fartwoman if you please). Flatulence is a great untapped resource. Howard Stern is not a great untapped resource.

As tempted as I am to zone in on farts, I'm more tempted go become "The Invisible Housewife" so I could walk about naked just about anytime I wanted to. That would defeat "Stretchmarticus", "Beasty Hairy Legs of Doom" and "Evil Cellulite".

It would also frustrate the mad scientist who invented underwire.

2. What was it like to grow up in a town of less than 700 people?

It was quiet. (I lived in a very small, rural, Utah County town, on a horse farm, up until age 12. More cows than people in that town.)

Yes, everyone knew everyone. You could rely on your neighbors to bring your horses back to you if they got loose...and you could also rely on your neighbors calling your lack of church attendance to your attention, repeatedly. No one cared if you smelled like manure. I ran around outdoors all day, throwing rotten eggs at my playmates and taming feral farmcats.

That small town was such an unsophisticated place that when I moved to a larger town, on the cusp of my puberty and still smelling of manure, it was such a confusing shock to me. I didn't fit in...at all. I still wanted to color with crayons and they were all wearing D cup bras whether they needed them or not.

I retained my best friend from my small town days. She was never aware of how much I appreciated her unwavering friendship when I was struggling through those adolescent years.

3. What quality of yours do you most want to see in your three sons?

I hope to see them taking joy in small things.

4. Describe your perfect house.

Someplace with a lot of nooks and crannies. It would have a large gathering room, where the life of the house is located. Then there would be smaller, charming spaces where a person could go and just reconnect with themselves. I'd like a shady backyard with a garden spot. I'd like a large bathroom with a tub for two. I'd like a library.

5. If you could give any one celebrity a reality check for their obviously ignorant and unrealistic life style, who would it be, what exactly would you say, and what would be the manner of said reality check?

Seriously, that would be any celebrity who was giving marriage or parenting tips who haven't had more than a passing experience with either. I don't want to hear what Tom Cruise or Oprah thinks about how to hold a marriage together or how to raise children. Yes, they can have valid and well researched opinions, but all in all, I want that to come out of the mouth of Bill Cosby or Bill Gates. Frankly, I want it to come out of the mouth of people who don't think $100 Egyptian cotton towels are hanging in their bathrooms because it's a quality of life concern.

So, I'd wipe a booger on their linens.

There are many pro athletes I'd like to smack around for whining. You are being paid well to play a game. Quitcherbitchin'.

2 comments:

  1. we think exactly the same on so many issues...and even though there isn't anything wrong with that...I'm suddenly concerned for your mental health...::sigh:::

    ReplyDelete
  2. You still smell like manure! Maybe it was all those afternoons playing house on the manure pile, or maybe that is just your own aroma.

    ReplyDelete

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