Friday, June 29, 2007

Masturs and Johnson

I feel compelled to do my part in defending the English speaking world against a scourge. This atrocity is breaking down communication across our great land. It may even be silently effecting you!

Masturbation is not spelled with an E. There is only one E in masturbate and it's right at the end, where it's most satisfying. U masturbate. YOU masturbate. I don't masturbate, but U does.

Have you been spelling this most important term "masterbate"? I understand there is some mastery in performing this act properly. Many people practice diligently and become experts. Many people don't practice this at all and are the masters of their domains.

I have practiced and have mastered both writing the letter U manually and typing it on my keyboard. It's right there between the Y key and the I key.... a more convenient placement than the E key in my opinion. I use my right index finger to ever so gently tap on the U key, over and over and ovur.

Go forth and E no more.

End public service announcement.


  1. I think I love you. Also, your U key looks a little swollen. Maybe an icepack would help.

    Interestingly, the word does not seem to be etymologically related to disturb. Masturbari may just be the word the ancient Latins cooked up to label this very important verb.

    I am trying to figure out if "silently effecting" is a secret message intentionally spelled that way (as "ovur" surely is), or just a typo for "silently affecting."

  2. Lord knows (and now everyone else) I do it enough...I better know how to spell it.

  3. *laughs out loud* I've been waiting for the better part of two months hoping that I would come up with a worthwhile comment for one of your posts so I could de-lurk legitimately. I give up. I can't come up with anything, but I have to tell you how much fun I'm having reading your posts. :)

    The guy who came up with the LOLTrek idea is a close friend of mine, and I was lured over here when you posted a comment on that entry:

    I LOVE your posts! You have the kind of gift for the straightforward and frank yet hilariously funny that I so enjoy. You and my wife would get along VERY well, I think. Your agreement with Justin about Tyra Banks (as long as he picks up milk on the way home)... it sounds just like something she'd say. :)

    Like I said, I don't have anything actually relevant to say here, but I wanted to let you know that I always look forward to your posts popping up in my feed reader!

    I'm so jealous that you apparently got the action that I always wished I could get in high school band. Makes me wish I'd been a "harmonica" player in your band. *grin*

  4. Relevancy is ovurrated. Heh.

    Welcome Jeff.

  5. Thank you for that. That is one of my more annoying spelling tweaks, even though for some reason I always seem to mis-spell "piece"

    I find men mis-spell masturbate more often with the E than women. I think it's because they think they're the greatest at it... the Mastur at hand, I s'pose.

  6. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!


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