Tuesday, June 05, 2007

This post. It's disgusting.

Dee-scust-teeeeeng.

There seems to be a pervasive question on the housewifely mind upon entering this summer season. I admit that this question wasn't on my mind until yesterday, but I was made aware of this question by results of my sitemeter. Three people, using the MSN search engine, were cautiously asking, "Is it safe to stick a popsicle in my vagina?" I assume they were women.

Apparently the answer to this question can be found right here on The Absent Minded Housewife as I'm the second hit listed behind a site detailing abortion aftercare tips. I do love to chat about vaginas, but since I have not broached this particular subject as of yet, I will take the opportunity to do this now. I think the heat is getting to me.

Yes Virginia, a popsicle is a cool and refreshing summer treat. No Virginia, it's not safe to put one inside your vagina.

It's best to just not introduce any sugary or starchy or foody substances into the vagina. You are providing a tasty smorgasbord for yeasts. You will get sour. It will itch. Itching is not comfortable in the summer months at all.

...and watch that popsicle stick.

I apologize for ruining anyone's "9 1/2 Weeks" fantasy. Here is another fantasy I feel compelled to completely ruin. Thong underwear? Prime bread baking fodder. Them thar underpants ain't sexy.

Think about this logically. The way thong underwear prevents nasty panty lines is by shoving the panties all back in between one's buttcheeks so the fabric rests against one's off ramp. A person's off ramp isn't known to be free from sweat and germs just by the very nature of it's exit only design. You are providing a panty highway from the back to the front for any enterprising germs that come along. Germs do not pay three bucks a gallon for gasoline.

These underpants don't give you panty lines either, but they do provide healthy air flow.



You'd need to eat popsicles wearing these. They tend to be toasty....but not toasty in that bread baking sort of way.

***

I'm off to Utah County once again. This is to prove to my husband's and my respective families that we are not dead. There may be a random post in the next week made in either a motel parking lot or at a Barnes and Noble. I hesitate to make a Barnes and Noble post. It may be worse than this one.

8 comments:

  1. So now what am I supposed to do with all those Bomb Pops?

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  2. I assume "Push Pops" are out as well.

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  3. SUGAR-FREE POPSICLES! I knew there had to be a way. You just have to be enterprising enough to come up with it.

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  4. are you talking about those magical Mormon undies I hear so much about???

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  5. OMGosh, lol! I'm not at all apposed to foreign objects but a popsicle? Seems like such a waste, not to mention COLD, lol!

    Too FUNNY!

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  6. All issues of hygeine and health aside.... ouch. Ever held an icepack too long on a body part? Now imagine a freaking popsicle on those hyper sensitive, heat loving netherlips. Ouch ouch ouch.

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  7. I am still laughing at the term bread baking!

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  8. I'll make a million selling vinegar and water popsicles ...

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