Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Puckered

I am back and I can claim, optimistically, some success in not suffering from sunshiney constipation.

You can't be constipated if you catch a stomach bug and are forced, yes forced in the public restroom, to spew nasty fluids out of both your northern and southern ends. I'm emptied out right proper. I missed a day and a half of the four day family reunion.

***

It's a beautiful thing to live in a consumer culture. The choices of goods and services available to you is downright astounding.

This is especially true with super salty, sugar encrusted, fat laden snack food. Got a craving? It can be satisfied at any convenience store near you. Thank you and come again.

That is, unless you have a craving for July's Bestest Housewifely Doodad and the bestest snack food ever invented, ever. Any convenience store I hoped to buy this item from had run out of stock. It was only blind luck that I found two cans at the convenience store we gassed up at on our way home.

What is this divinity?



Zotes Dill Pickle flavored roasted sunflower seeds.

There are other brands of dill flavored sunflower seeds on the market. They suck. Zotes is the only brand that sucker punches you in the face with their dill pickle salty/sourness and you thank them for it. I might only be more addicted to these seeds if I smoked pot. Maybe I should start smoking pot for the intense cravings it gives you. I'm definitely not getting pregnant again so I can have intense cravings.

Zotes packages their seeds in handy dandy flip top plastic cans. I do have some issue with the foil cap they weld on to the top of the container, for freshness ya know, because it takes a machete to get the damned thing off. It's worth all the work in the end. They're indeed fresh.

If you are a strange soul that doesn't care for the wonderful-ness of dill pickle you can choose other enticing flavors:

Original Salted
Salt and Pepper
Beer Baked
Tequila Lime
Spicy Nacho
Hot Wings
Bleu Cheese
Garlic Roast
Jalapeno

I have tried the Bleu Cheese and Tequila Lime flavors. Liked Bleu Cheese, didn't care for Tequila Lime.

I paid $1.69 each for my two cans of Zotes. You can get your own from the Zotes website if you don't want to hunt them down at convenience stores paying four times the amount for gasoline.

No, Zotes ain't paying me NOTHIN' for this post. However, I'm open to payment in seeds if they are feeling gracious.

Thank you Zotes, I like you, I really like you.

6 comments:

  1. You haven't had the best dill pickle seed until you have tried GIANTS Brand. They have better flavor and the seeds are huge.
    I buy then online www.giantseeds.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Welcome back, dahlink. I missed you.h

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mmmm ..... sounds tasty!
    I'll have to hunt down a canister.

    Glad you're back, not so glad you had your 'cleansing' in a PUBLIC RESTROOM.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love the graphic on the jar of seeds...the girl looks as if she in full Orgasm mode...by dousing herself with large dill pickles...couldn't they bruise the hell outta ya?

    these must be some powerfully good seeds

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jerry.

    Last night while I was eating my fabulous seeds and making orgasm noises, I looked at the packaging on the can and realized that I could have written at least three more paragraphs of quality post based on that graphic alone.

    Everyone likes a good pickle tickle.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous.

    I'm sensing Pepsi challenge time.

    ReplyDelete

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