Monday, August 20, 2007

The best day of the year.

It's time to take a big deep cleansing breath. You know, the same kind of breath they teach you to take at Lamaze classes when you are done having a great big labor pain.

Ready?

Inhale......and hahhhhhh...out. Good!

No, I'm not pregnant. Today is the first day of school!

On the upside, two of my three children will be under someone else's supervision for 8 hours every weekday for the next nine months. Today I managed to get them dressed in new clean clothing. My 13 year old wanted to wear a pair of jeans from last year, with gaping holes in the knees, in which he had reinforced with several layers of duct tape. I'm not opposed to his creative pants, but he can wait until next week to wear them. Today I wanted to dress my children nicely...and as deceptively as possible.

On the downside, the two year old child remaining at home wants to watch Yo Gabba Gabba on TV. After five minutes of watching this show I have an urge to bet on dog fights. One of the characters looks like a dildo...It's got one eye! Here, play dildo ball. For the next nine months there will be toddler programming chock full of lisping ducks and "Pawprint! Pawprint!" Please, I beg you, help me keep my brain firmly lodged in my skull and not running out of my ears like steaming lava.

This year the junior high has instituted a No Crack policy. Crack is wack. (whack?) Consequences will be dire if you bring any crack to school. Crack is just so tempting at that age.

There will be no...


or...


or...




The kids are somewhat disappointed about this. It's, like, violating their basic human, like, rights for administration to not, like, let them wear their pants around their asses.

Besides, I didn't go through 23 hours of labor with that kid to let him show off his skinny ass all day.

6 comments:

  1. A friend of mine has a rule about this--if they wear their pants low, so does she. And she wears a thong. So far this has scared all the boys visiting to pull up their pants.

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  2. plus if those kids with their pants down around their knees should ever have the need to quickly flee an impending dangerous situation they'd get nowhere running like a penguin.

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  3. Wow, your schools start early! Ours are still staying with the day after Labor Day. But they go until nearly the end of June.

    I don't understand the pants thing although I do remember wearing them low when I was that age. But nothing like they do today. It doesn't even look comfortable.

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  4. Am I the only one who is tired of the "eight inches of visable boxers" look? Hasn't this fashion played itself out yet?

    Please?

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  5. I can sympathize with you on the "Yo Gabba Gabba".
    But, my 2 year old loves it.
    Along with "Oobi" and "Wonder Pets".

    Wheeeeeee!!!!!

    "Crack IS whack!"
    ~ The Gospel according to Whitney.

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  6. O...M....Gawwd. It does look like a dildo, and I didn't even have to try. Eww... :-)

    Every gen has their "crack" policy, my mother can recall when bras had to be defined as mandatory. I say let them crack themselves up, learn it the hard way!

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