Monday, August 06, 2007

Green Eggs and Scram

I did indeed go see Screech do stand up for free on Saturday night. The upside? The man is amazingly praticed at handling hecklers. With an array of dirty words and some references to geriatric pornography and anal sex with women over 30, he put the front row of idiots right in their places. The downside? He hit on a skanky woman in the audience and then picked her up immediately after the show.

Needless to say, even for the show being free of cost, I didn't feel taken.

Oh, and he is quite handsome in person.

***

There is a mouse in my house. It's here and there, it's everywhere!

My dumb gay cat has been chasing this mouse around for three days but has yet to actually kill it and eat it. My cat, in general, is a fairly good mouser. Picking up remnants of rodents and birds is a constant and necessary chore around Casa Absent Minded. I like my cat eating the local wildlife as there are 50 miles of open landscape directly to the west of my house. Field mice are free, cans of Fancy Feast are not.

What I want to know is what the hell is so special about this mouse that it remains alive? I keep seeing it zipping around, all James Bond like, evading my cat and sleeping with exotic women. It's really quite rude.

I've purchased mouse traps...and no, I didn't purchase the variety that keeps the mouse pondering the meaning of life. This mouse needs to die. More importantly, This mouse needs to not breed in my house.

So far the peanut butter I've left on the traps haven't been of the least bit temptation. If I have to I will go medieval on his mousy ass.

Yes, I'll leave a DVD of Octopussy running all night and the mouse will suffer a slow death, much like Roger Moore's career. Shaken, not stirred, Sam I am.

3 comments:

  1. Dadguy is horrifically allergic to cats... I have had to beat to death two mice in person in recent years. Yay for cats!

    ReplyDelete
  2. DD is still a douchebag in my eyes.

    hey...are you watching "Flight of the Conchords" you HAVE to....plus there is a Season 6 and 7 of Trailer Park Boys..."Bottle KIDS!!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. The cat is confused. He thinks either you have installed a new entertainment for him, or he has a new family member. Has he been watching Stuart Little?

    ReplyDelete

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