Monday, September 24, 2007

I'll buy you a green, that's cruel.

There are times in my life where I find something compelling and moving and so I'm called into action.

What's moved me this time? Confessions of a Prairie Bitch. The action? I asked Nellie Oleson to be my Myspace friend. She is just that awesome.

Haven't we all encountered our own Nellie Oleson's growing up? I had one in elementary school and another in the upper grades.

Elementary Nellie shared a physical trait with Little House Nellie, in that they sported a similar hairstyle with the exception that Little House Nellie's was a wig. I disliked Elementary Nellie because she kept trying to buy off my puppy love crush with real crayola markers. How could I compete with that?

High School Nellie was a whole different sort of nasty. I would like to think that puberty had something to do with her behavior but we all know that nasty is nasty, hormones or not. She directed several different methods of torment toward me from 7th grade up until the day I'd tired of it.

I loved this dress. It's 1991, I'm in 10th grade and I am in complete love with my jolly green giant dress. I put the dress on and I felt confident, pretty, sexy, powerful. A definite bargain for nine dollars. (The red notation reads, "highschool boyfriend"...couldn't edit out the wrist corsage either.)

High School Nellie disliked my dress. The dress could have been thousand dollar couture and she would have found something biting to say about my dress. What she said, as I walked down the highschool hallway wearing it, wasn't the worst of the things she'd said to me since 7th grade, but it was enough.

The power of green cotton knit compelled me. I walked up to her, my eyes never leaving hers the whole time. I got within an inch of her nose, then looked her pudgy body slowly up and down, met her eyeball to eyeball again and said, "At least I can wear it." I didn't let up on my stare until she backed off.

No, it's wasn't right to say something about her body, but stick a fork in me, I was done. It was an achilles heal that I was more than willing to pierce with an arrow at that point.

She never bothered me again. I took all the fun out of it. I wore that green dress a lot.

Later in life I'd come to the understanding that her parents, even though very well off and generous with their gifts to her, neglected her horribly. Little House Nellie outgrew her nastiness...I wonder if High School Nellie ever did.


  1. Y'all were rocking that green dress pretty hard! And what IS it with naturally curly blond hair in Elementary school that makes for a mean little girl (my own personal Nellie)!?

  2. My personal experience has been that those High School Nellies, "think" they outgrow it. A lot of them don't remember it. And they go on ... never realizing what it is they've done to the ones they've left behind. That's what's sad. The one arrow you sling is probably a good one, if it sticks, because it might be the only one that makes her realize what she's doing to someone else; or, at the very least, get her the hell off your ass.

  3. tell hubster to look the other way.....fu*k me....HS BF couldn't hold

    In 1991 I lets see....oh married with two kids...and a pot head wife...nevermind I was busy.

    damn you are hot!

    (wrote "were hot" and fixed that)

  4. My "Nellie" was the same in both elementary and high school. She wasn't really that mean, just overly sarcastic at times, but did she ever have a better-than-everyone-else attitude.

    She was still annoying at our last class reunion (25-year) but somehow she landed the sweetest, most down-to-earth husband.

    Poor guy.


Absent Minded Archives