Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Manscaping 101

If you are fond of discussing marriage and relationships, like I am, from time to time you will find a man who will ask the pressing question which I am blogging about today.

Should a man shave...ya know...uh...to be more attractive...uh...besides his face? Do women like that?

I don't presume to speak for other women, but I will speak for myself on the subject. Blogging about hair removal is one of my favorite topics afterall. Answering this question requires a chart.


I searched for hours for a better representation of a hairy unclothed man...oh the things I have seen and the places I have been...shudder. We'll have to make do with public use Da Vinci Man. Points are numbered, so let's take the manscaping tour, shall we?

1. Most women do not care if you are losing your hair. We DO care if you are losing your hair and you insist on a combover or wearing a toupee'. Bald is sexy. Bald men have solar panels because they are love machines. Patrick Stewart? I. Want.

2. A man is not impressing anyone by growing his ear hairs long enough to serve as his combover. I don't know about other women, but I am not interested in clipping your ear hair for you. They make neato clippers for the purpose. Use em'. The same goes for the nose hairs.

3. Beards are sexy. This is my personal opinion which I know is not shared by other women. Beards are sexy and they feel nice on the thighs. Keep your beard long enough to be soft and wash it often. It's not a food keeper or an aroma saver. If you do grow a ZZ Top beard, keep it combed. (A beard isn't combover material either.)

4. Back Hair. Personally I don't care if you've got it or not. However, if it's so prominent that it gets tangled, take a pair of clippers to it and mow it down to a manageable length. I personally would offer to help with this endeavor if I got a trip to the fabric store out of it.

5. Manly men have armpit hair. (I'm a manly man...sigh.) Keep it from growing so long that it gets tangled as well. I am not offering to help with this. No, not even for twenty dollar a yard velvet or promises to bathe my cat. If your deodorant gets all caked in your armpit 'fro then, dude, trim it.

6. Don't shave your chest. Chest stubble is scratchy on my girl bits on my front. Regular chest hair is a lovely sensual experience. You could wax it. That would be fun to watch. Tangled? Clippers then a trip to the fabric store.

7. Yes, you've got a hairy butt. That's ok. Don't moon my family and friends. Anyone else is fair game.

8. It doesn't make it look bigger. Enough said.

9. I appreciate a furry leg on a man. I appreciate a furry leg on a man who has really nice thighs.

10. Toe hair is a fact of life. I have toe hair too. Do not grow your toe hair long enough to trip on or use as a combover. Actually, I might have this hobbit fantasy....

11. You have hair here? Stop that. You'll go blind. Alright, use Nair. No kissing, no telling.


Finally, do not leave wanton hairs on my pink girly soaps in the shower. Why are you using my soap? Gah!

3 comments:

  1. 3. Beards are sexy. No question.

    9. Some men have better thighs than your husband, even without a lot of hair.

    :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. in the small (very small elite group) I'm known as the "hairless wonder" it's not bragging rights I ascend to...honest....it's the bitchen sensation of having a similar hair-free body as that of a woman and yet to offer a mighty fine penis.....I know....funny...plus my legs look great in stockings....it's a plus even though in the bible belt it will be perceived as a Satanic deception for the Christen minded males.....dudes I'm not GAY...it's a ruse to Tune & Lube your MILF's on my way through town...get it?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Re #8: I don't like it when it tickles my nose. You want me there, you trim the tarantula.

    ReplyDelete

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