Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Absent Minded Nooky Report: #1, You put your leg here and I'll put my arm this way, ok, now put your hips here...no here...hold still...gotcha!

Oh my eyes, my eyes!

I've spent my morning looking at websites of the non-porn variety explaining the thousands of positions two people can get themselves tangled into to achieve some sort of penetration.

I thought I could impart some wisdom or at least some practicality related to sexual positions but my mind got stuck on an entanglement entitled "The Boston Brute". I don't think my husband can bend that way. I worry about any man that finds himself able to bend that way.

Not to mention that some of these entanglements require that you somehow defy the laws of gravity. Not only do you have to be double jointed but you should be able to float. Up, up and away...in my beautiful balloon...

I'm all for becoming creatively entangled during sex. I like as much skin on skin on skin contact as their can possibly be. I'm just not a fan of hurting myself, especially in the middle of the night with the lights off, to achieve that end. If you jab me with your elbow one more time I will kick your ass.

End...heh.

Because this is the internets and I'm apparently female, I've been asked a time or two by excitable menfolk what my favorite sexual position is. My standard answer to this question has been: Wrists and ankles are duct taped to the ceiling fan, I'm down asswards, and he's on the bed, standing on his head. Whirly whirly!

I imagine that the internet menfolk receiving this answer are cocking their head to the side, pondering the mechanics of this, while sitting in their parent's basement wearing only black socks.

By the way, duct tape residue on the blades makes your ceiling fan near impossible to dust.

5 comments:

  1. I'm going to look up the Boston Brute. I bet it's a sammich.

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  2. HAHAHAHA ... it's a pizza.

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  3. Apparently female eh, lol

    Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

    I do have a question; do u have permanent marks on the ceiling fan blades from the duct tape?

    One wonders how u know that the blades are nearly impossible to dust with tape residue on them. Arent u hanging there enuf to just blow the dust off despite the tape, lol

    Emo

    PS: did u make apple pie for thanksgiving?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I made no pie for Thanksgiving. I made 8 dozen dinner rolls...in five gallon buckets with American flag emblems on the side.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey, any reason for me to not mess with dusting a ceiling fan is a good reason in my opinion!

    ReplyDelete

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