Monday, January 14, 2008

Hold Please

Sit down. Have a cup of coffee with me. (That is unless you don't drink coffee, which is perfectly ok, I'll make you a smoothie if you want one.)

Ahhhh silence.

Why is it so quiet? Because the political telephone surveys don't start ringing my phone off the hook until past 7 pm around here.

I'm a lucky girl in the fact that it's not very often that I get a cold call telemarketer calling my home, especially since I never signed my name on the national do not call list. No one wants to sell anyone in my house goods or services over the phone because I live out in the middle of nowhere. No one calls offering to repair my windshield, or refinance my mortgage, or nuke the insects in my yard. I cannot stress how disappointed I am about this.

(I don't get much junk mail either for that matter.)

I do get the occasional call from many of the scam police force and veterans agencies asking me to donate money to the cause. I like to mess with the veterans scammers. My husband is a Desert Storm vet you see. I tell these callers this little factoid and then ask why my war disabled husband has yet to see a dime from them? This causes a lot of "ums" and "uhs" and sometimes they hang up on me.

I get calls from Highlights Magazine for Children. I like Highlights Magazine for Children. My kids like it. I'm just never subscribing to it again. The magazine in itself is inexpensive...but the calls to buy supplemental material...ugh! I cannot refuse their books about math, or geography, or at-home taxidermy without them insinuating that I simply do not care about educating my children. They call more often than all the others and it's tiresome. I've told them for years that I am absolutely uninterested in buying anything unseen over my phone, so back off, stop calling my home and have a lovely evening! It doesn't work.

Yesterday I received a computer generated political survey to which I could just reply yes or no to the questions rather than press buttons on my phone. I yessed and no-ed my way through the terribly pointed republican poll questions, stating my stance on gun control and illegal immigration. (But not on education, or the war! They didn't ask.) When it became obvious that this poll was pimping out Huckabee, and asked why I would be voting for him in the republican caucus, I couldn't help but give my explanation...

"I won't be voting for him because Huckabee's a twat."

Is Huckabee a twat? I don't know. I just like the word "twat". It rolls off the tongue so nicely. The opportunity to use it and have it recorded for posterity was overwhelming.

I'm going to be saying "twat" a lot until November, methinks.


  1. We are on the do not call list and we still get contacted, although it is getting real hard to remember if we have ever sent them anything or whatever would give them access to us without violating the rules of that list. I guess it works, sort of.

    As to the political silly season, it sure is getting longer and longer. Maybe they should just put all the names on one list and let the people vote, then give the job to whoever gets the most votes? I usually am not too happy with the choices I have left after the political parties have winnowed the list down to just one name from each of them and the third party candidates are just like throwing your vote away. Your response to the poll sounds good to me.

  2. I was told before the last local elections that the Do Not Call list is not applicable to non-telemarketers, which these political polls are apparently classified as.

    Huckabee IS a twat.


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