Wednesday, March 05, 2008

A rubber chicken, a ball peen hammer and a Tai-Bo VHS tape.

Part of the stereotype of housewife that I find interesting is the idea that I know a lot about appliances.

I'm not talking about blenders and waffle makers here. I'm talking about...ahem...other appliances. Personal appliances. Private appliances. Appliances that won't make you a smoothie.

You decide to become a housewife and you are mailed an in depth instructional brochure about how to best utilize your time at home. It's required by the union.

This is why in my meanderings about the internets that I'm never surprised that I get asked what my favorite marital aids are by curious libidinous individuals. If I were the author of the housewife time management brochure, I'd include a few lines on how to misdirect the casual outside observer when it comes to replying about mundane housewifely activities...if you're inclined to reply at all.

(Time to get creative, wee!)

Items you might find hidden deep in the black depths of AMHW's nightstand:
  • A curry comb, a magic marker and a dozen mini snickers bars.
  • A large barbecue spatula, a joy buzzer and some bacon flavored cheese spread in a can.
  • A wetsuit, a length of industrial iron chain and a dainty chintz tea service.
  • Nerf balls. Yellow ones.
  • Adrian Brody.
  • A pair of Mickey Mouse ears, a five gallon restaurant sized bucket of sliced pickles and a strobe light.

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Coming up with new and intriguing combinations amuses me to no end. The mysterious aura these answers create is just gravy on the taters.

Time to go whip up a smoothie.


  1. I was expecting this post to get real naughty.(I know my mind is a one way street and I do ride a one trick pony) It wasn't till I read this line that I actually had a dirty thought.
    "Time to go whip up a smoothie.

  2. That's one hell of a drawer. I can just imagine you dancing in that strobe light for your Thigh-Master.


  3. As meggy said, you must have a humongous nightstand. Small pickles or large ones?


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