Thursday, March 27, 2008

This post does not have the Good Housekeeping seal of approval.

If you pick up any women's magazine on the stands these days you are given your choice between three different types of articles. These articles seem to sell magazines which in turn sell the products advertised in magazines. I need limited edition, artist sculpted, real to life vinyl newborn dolls with teeny knit booties and more recipes which utilize condensed soup.

Let's summarize:

1. How to avoid/tolerate/ease/work with stress. I'm busy, you're busy, we're all busy busy busy. There are health concerns associated with stress...grey hairs and the inability to poop properly. Take time for yourself. Take a walk. Do yoga. Eat yogurt and drink soy. Read more magazines.

2. How to turn on men, you know, in bed. Particularly your man and not random men. Light a few candles, pour a bath, grill him a steak, wear something transparent. Stop wearing your housecoat all the time. Stop nagging him about household chores while doing the deed. Don't sleep during the deed either. Good sex is good for your health...keeps you pooping properly.

3. Why you should love yourself. You're a unique package! You don't need to look like a supermodel to be a worthy human being on the planet. You have talents and character and inner beauty! Stop that nasty interior dialogue. Stop it right now. It keeps you from pooping properly.

I don't relate much to article #1 and I can't say I have any trouble with article #2, and I don't much cotton to #3 but I can understand why that one subject keeps popping up.

Women are always flying in the nose of what we're supposed to be rather than what we are, or what we want to be. We compare. We compete. We come up short. So many areas to come up short in too, not just in our digestive systems, as all areas of our lives serve as self-dis-esteem fodder. It's a perpetual machine. No one wants to squeeze their own Charmin.

I came upon that realization in my sophomore year of highschool, far earlier than many of my peers. It was related to my realization that I wasn't going to get much bustier than my lopsided A cups and this post. The internal dialogue was exhausting and depressing. I was done.

I do rather like myself.

I love my mind. The way it works sometimes is something I find delightful and entertaining. I like learning. I like taking on challenges that make me think. I really like kicking ass in Scrabble.

I don't entirely love my body, but I like it quite a bit. I like it enough to admit to the entire internets that my breasts are lopsided and I don't care. I like my legs and my fingers. I like my hair. I enjoy being regular.

I find a lot of joy in my talents. I have trouble finding time because of my toddler, but that too shall pass. (Just yesterday he was poking crayons into my sewing machines.) I have fun discovering new abilities. I look forward to aging in that respect.

I'm Becky. I'm a housewife amongst other identities. This is good.

I subscribe to magazines but recently I've decided to let my subscriptions lapse. They are only of so much use after I'm done reading. Self realization is awesome but extra trash is not. You can't even flush the crumpled pages down modern toilets and sewage systems.

I'm going to go put on something transparent now.

This post is an assignment associated with the blogs in the Thank You Notes in my sidebar. Check 'em out.


  1. Your scrabble abilities are irritating.

  2. I have never been able to abide what I call "married-lady magazines." You don't need a magazine to pull off the housewife business. You certainly don't need a magazine to anesthetize your brain. I like magazines that entertain me (Entertainment Weekly, keeps me regular) or enlighten me (the New Yorker, but I skip the theater articles and anything not of particular interest). Recipes? Child-rearing advice? Sex advice? That's what friends and the internet are for. When my son starts requiring more frequent laundering of his bedding, I'm turning to you for advice!

  3. If we ever get together, we should se which one of us will beat the others butt at scrabble.

    Also, totally loved this line "How to turn on men, you know, in bed. Particularly your man and not random men"

  4. I love your mind too. :)

    And I have also decided that renewing my magazine subscriptions is a waste. I may on occasion wonder what's going on in science or with money, but I have realized I often read the same thing over & over again.

    The Seattle Times has been bugging me for quite some time, trying to get me to restart that subscription. They'll even let me pay a certain amount to receive the "paper" via email. Woot! Like I'm too dumb to go to their website on my own.


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