Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I stand all amazed...

Awe. Simple awe.

...and astonishment.

...and amazement.

...and WOW, isn't that spectacular and super and HUGE and ever so clean!

Now that I've been through my thesaurus, I'd like to clarify that none of the above would describe my reaction to having a strange man on the internet send me unsolicited photos of his erection.

I do understand some of motivations behind sending a housewife on the internet an example of your amateur photography. Apparently there is exhibitionism, but there is also a sort of "See, I like you! Ain't you lucky!" message attached to it.

The title of housewife has it's own insinuations which makes it seem I'm welcome to such gifts in my email. I'm MILF-y. I have nothing to do all day long. I'm horny. I need regular hot beef injections or else I'll wither and DIE.

I admit, all of that might be true, but there is only one man on the planet who has signed the proper release forms in which allow him to keep me from withering or dying.

Being sent a digital present isn't a new experience for me. It's not even a novel experience. When you are female and out there on the internets, blogging and chatting and writing too much on forums, it would be naive expect to never have that happen. Some presumptive male with poor lighting will show you his best side.

I either delete it or I photoshop it and spread it around.

So, here is my admonition for anyone else who thinks I need to see them naked:

1. I'm not sending you naked photos because you sent me one.
2. I'm not instantly aroused by the surprise of Mr. Wiggly. I am not Pavlov's dog.
3. Very very few of you escaped being funny looking.
4. I am not impressed by your hygiene or your piercing(s).
5. It's amazing what I found out about you on Google.

From now on, if anyone wants to send me photos, they can only be photos of puppies and kittens. Anything else with fur is out.


  1. I think you oughta replace the rooster picture with a picture of a tiny Vienna sausage, a shriveled prune, or a soggy noodle.

  2. Oh, wait... those went to YOU???

    I need to fix my email program obviously..

    My bad.

  3. Jesus, post those babies! Just for the record, housewife is in my blog name as well and I get ZERO nude photos or solicitations of anything or anyone other than soap sales persons selling soap. So don't moan to me about your absolute popularity as a good looking housewife...just stop complaining--people love you, we get it, we see how cute you are...we get it. Hahahahaha.
    Please tell me you understand I'm kidding. Please...

  4. It's not that I'm so incredibly good looking, heh, but that for some reason my tubal ligation photo is showing up in the first few results in MSN's photo searches! People are looking for photos of their "hobbies" and find themselves surprised by a photo of my uterus!

    They click on that, come to my blog, and get their housewife fantasies on. Why why why?

    ...and guess what? This post is only going to increase that traffic. I'm self defeating.

    Ask me about my WEINER!

  5. I've left a furry present in your Inbox.

  6. That's just disgusting.....

    (it's my new wallpaper)

  7. Thank goodness, i dont have a good side or u would have to ask for my pic, huh Becky. But alas, they still havent made a big enuf lense (ok that isnt as funny after using it 800 times, right?)

    You can be "MILF__y" if u want to be. Have u found a FILF site and is Justin there?


  8. FILF? I've found plenty of filthy sites. This is the internets Erf...and you know me...heh.

  9. lol, FILF = Father's I Like to ****

    well not me but maybe u



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