Monday, June 09, 2008

Don't fart on my kids.

My brother in law gave me a suppository.

He didn't give me a suppository, rather, he supplied me with a suppository he and my sister keep on hand for their type 1 diabetic children. When two of their three children get stomach flu it's dangerous. Vomitting is bad; makes their sugars and ketones crazy, starts destroying vital organs. This suppository stops hurling on the spot and then puts them to sleep moments later. It keeps their house virtually vomit free.

The day after interviewing my tolerant parents, which was the day before my nephew's wedding, (which is why we ventured into the beehive in the first place) I started hurling in the morning and by late evening I hadn't stopped. I got to thinking that if I hurled once more I'd land myself in an emergency room, which isn't convenient when you think about it, so it was suppository time. My sister and her husband offer me one every time I'm at their house, healthy or no. They're generous people.

Happiness is a warm....uh...nevermind.

Family is nice that way. My sister's partner in life and evil even offered to help with the next suppository, should I need one, or even if I don't. Various methods of application were described, along with all the appropriate sound effects.

My family is becoming more and more aware of this blog, offering up all kinds of funny things to write about. When I come home from Christmas it's been my habit to quote the funnier things that come out of their Utah County backwoods mouths. This visit around they would spout off something untoward, appear blank for a moment, and then exclaim, "Becky, you should write that on your blog!"

What? And really scare my readers and other hangers on? If they start vomitting as a result, are we going to supply all of them with suppositories too?

Now that I'm home, feeling back up to par, the only quote I remember is the same brother in law warning my older sister to not be so uncouth as to pass wind on his progeny. I don't even remember the context for it.

"Don't fart on my kids."

Sage advice.

8 comments:

  1. You have a very sensitive digestive system. Every time you go away, you get sick, or constipated. I suggest you start warning it from now on, with "fake trips", maybe to the grocery store or the casino, and take an empty suitcase with you, just to tease it into thinking you're going somewhere. Maybe you can lull it into a false sense of security or something. For some reason, it doesn't believe you're ever coming home.

    Having said that, mine ain't much better. I start eating fruit, vegetables and not much else about two weeks before I go ANYWHERE.

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  2. So your family are drug pushers, huh?

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  3. My Nana believes that a suppository will cure everything...from a migraine to hiccups.

    (I think she just enjoys sticking things in people's butts. She INSISTS on helping administer each and every one...)

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  4. Good thing u made it home cuz i was afraid that in your next blog might u might posting pics of your family's butt before the suppository was inserted and afterwards and asking us to guess whose butt is whose.

    Can we make it official, your family is strange but not even that strange ;)


    Erf

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  5. let me put that into english,,, even

    Good thing u made it home cuz i was afraid that in your next blog u might post pics of your family's butt before the suppository was inserted and afterwards, then ask us to guess whose butt is whose.

    Can we make it official, your family is strange but not even that strange ;)


    Erf

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  6. Meggy, I caught some sort of germ. My sister's partner had it. Hell, half their softball team had it.

    Blogarita...pushers? One finger or two?

    Blonde Goddess...I'm positive a suppository applied properly can cure the hiccups. Your Nana is wise.

    Erf, what's hilarious is that I was subjected to home videos after my nephew's wedding and there were a couple butts in there. None of them were mine, thank god.

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  7. Hey, ask them what I can get for 6 bucks. I mean, I can go to the ATM if need be, I got 5 more to back that up.

    Geeez, I love farting on people's kids ;)

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  8. I believe the quote is:

    We don't pee in your pool..don't fart on our kids.

    Wait. That's not it.

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