Monday, June 16, 2008

I'm not a Granny yet.

Look at my panties.

I spent the morning googling images of panties to use today's post. That was a mistake. Did you know that there are a lot of photos of women wearing panties on the internets? Oh. You did. Of course you did. You didn't fall off the Google truck yesterday. You've been there and you've seen that and you share my indignation and disgust.

I remembered I had taken my own photo some time ago. God bless me, search over. You can only look at so many strange butts over the course of a morning.

I was thinking about my panties this weekend. I bought them at Walmart. Fruit of the Loom, size coughcoughmumblecough, bikini cut, cotton, 10 pack, reinforced crotch, white and flowers and stripes and solids in similar colors. And I was many people roaming the planet are wearing the exact same panties as I am at any given time? (I was about to type women instead of people, but in my google search I came upon men wearing panties too. That's fine. Underpants are for everyone.)

You know, they say that if you put 23 people in a room that there is a 50/50 chance that two will share a birthday. What are the chances that two of you bought the same package of panties, not even considering that two pair out of the package were white? Fruit of the Loom has to manufacture millions of pairs of panties every year.

These people, wearing the same panties, do we think the same? I know we can't possibly all look the same (again, underpants are for everyone) but do we have some sort of hive mind going on which sort of directs our panty preferences?

Do they feel sporty when they put on the striped pair?
Do they feel adolescent and dainty when they put on the flowery pair?
Did they feel frugal about buying panties because they came in a ten pack?
Do they hate boy shorts and thongs as much as I do?
Do they look at people in public places and wonder if you're wearing the same underwear?

I wonder and that's why I'll admit that today I'm wearing the blue, pink, yellow and green vertical striped pair. They're comfortable. They don't ride up my crack too much.

Then there are the differences! Small butts and large butts and hairy butts and smelly butts. All of us wearing vertically striped Fruit of the Looms, going about our days, performing every task known to mankind. Can I claim greatness because maybe I'm wearing the same skivvies as Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Gloria Steinem, Sandra Day O'Connor and Billy Jean King? I think I can, even if Oprah's posterior is mostly unlike mine.

At least when I watch Oprah, I don't assume that she's wearing a thong, God bless me.


  1. Spouse Guy got new bikini cut, cotton, decidedly NOT tidy (tighty?) whities at Wal-Mart over the weekend.

    He gets them all in a wad when I call them panties.

  2. Ooh, I love boyshorts! At least I love these ones from Target. No elastic grabbing at me! Very comfy indeed.

  3. Huh... I guess they make the same kind for girls, cuz you just described the pack of panties I bought for Birdie last week.

  4. Blogarita, if they aren't white, what color are they? Heh.

    Maybe I'll try those boy shorts orange. They'd better be damned nice underwear for five bucks a pair. I think I paid five bucks for my ten pack on sale.'s me, Birdie and Billy Jean King. WOOT!

  5. Panties shmanties!

    Commando is the way to go!

  6. I don't get how you can hate boyshorts! They're comfy-mumfy. I wear the same ones that Orange does. I know that the one thing you'll hate is that they're not cotton.

    Here's the one thing I don't get. Your panties all have reinforced crotches. Why? Just what's going on down there? Hm?

  7. Yeah, that's why I don't buy my panties in a package. The more you spend on your panties, the less likely someone in the room will be wearing yours! ;)

    My undergarments are important to me. I only buy sexy stuff.

    And I AM a granny!

  8. Clearly, u think more about these things then i do, lol. Your blog is funny. As long as they are clean and paid for, thats all i ever think about them.

    Oh, the ones that come of easily are good too :P



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