Friday, July 04, 2008

Amber waves of grain.

On this Fourth of July holiday, in our times of four dollar a gallon gasoline and billion dollar a day warfare, I'd like to focus on those parts of American life that are truly and uniquely U.S.A...A.O.K! Why is America so great.

I can begin with the usual inclusions. Apple pie. Baseball. Hot dogs. Frivolous lawsuits. Nascar. Paul Bunyon. Britney Spears and As Sold on TV.

In particular, I'd like to bring attention to something so home of the brave, land of the free, that I believe it encompasses everything it is to live in our great country. What I'm talking about bubbled forth from the great melting pot to be utilized across all races, creeds, religious affiliations, sexual orientations and political sentiments.

The mullet.

Yes...the mullet. God Bless America. God Bless the mullet.

As I've admitted to before, I once sported a mullet. It occurs to me only today that I was doing my part in weaving the American fabric. It was an outward display of my patriotism.

As we Americans engage in our democratic duty in our upcoming presidential election, there has been some talk about which candidate is more patriotic. Who is more American and willing engage in a PDA to show it? I'm not going to speculate about that too much except to say that so far, none of our presidents have worn a mullet. Some have worn wigs. Some have had perfect swirling and hairsprayed coifs. None have draped the ape.

Because I have the right, nay the obligation, of free speech, I present here some examples of presidential mullets.

Andrew Jackson.

Theodore Roosevelt.

Herbert Hoover.

Gerald Ford.


That warm feeling in your chest? That's pride.

Now then, we must consider our presidential candidates and their degree of mulletability. In alphabetical order:

John McCain.

Barack Obama.


I dunno about you, but I know where my vote is going!

To those to whom it applies...have a happy 4th...feel free to light an extra illegal firecracker for me.

To those for whom it does not apply...stop laughing at my Photoshop skillz...Have another'n.

4 comments:

  1. Cringing AND snickering... you have hit an all time Photoshopping low.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I would have liked to see Hillary in a mullet.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I never knew so many important figures sported the mullet.

    Now when Oprah starts sporting one...I'm in baaaaaaby!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That GW mullet takes the cake.

    For your viewing pleasure. You're welcome.

    ReplyDelete

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