Thursday, July 10, 2008

Cyndi Lauper can kiss my bum.

There are certain things around Casa Absentminded which fulfill the family status quo. For instance, dirty boy's underwear left on the bathroom floor...or constant noise from Nick Jr...or the smell of feet. These thing are comforting.

Yesterday I became uncomfortable. The status quo was interrupted.

What I'm used to is being the sole source of estrogen in my home. There is my husband and his powerful brand of hairy adult male testosterone. There is my fourteen year old son and his raging pubescent testosterone. There is my nine year old son and his bugs and lizards testosterone. There is my three year old son and his giggle over fart noises testosterone. Then me...all things female in this house even though I dig the lizards and laugh at farts myself. Estro-queen.

Yesterday afternoon my pubescent child, this teen-aged boy of mine, brought a teen-aged GIRL into my home and proceeded to allow her to play Playstation. In my home. Playstation.

The moment she took her first estrogen loaded exhale I had an instinct to guard my sewing machines and my crock pot all while baring my teeth. Me...alpha female...grunt.

Hormones are funny.

Funny for my kid too. He didn't understand why I requested his door be open while they were in his room. It wasn't just for his protection but for hers as well. She may not be used to the smell of boys and feet. She didn't need a barrage of fourteen year old testosterone flooding her nostrils. I didn't want her to touch my stuff and I didn't want her to go all swoony either.

My first experiences being with a boy, in a go over to a boy's house on my own sort of sense, happened when I was 14. He lived up the street. I used to ride my ten speed to his house and then he'd offer to ride tandem with me to the gas station to play Super Mario Brothers and eat frozen yogurt. He'd pump the pedals the whole way and I'd hold onto his waist. It was sweet.

One bright day, as we were sitting on his front lawn, I told him about my mild scoliosis and the S curve in my spine. I wasn't curved enough to warrant a brace but I had been exercising and swimming to correct the curve for a year. He asked to see my curve, and since my blouse buttoned down the back I figured there was no harm. He unbuttoned and ran his fingers down my bare back while I held my shirt to my chest, tracing my curve, then he buttoned me back up. That too was sweet.

Had my mom and dad known that I'd undressed even that much for a boy I would have been stomped down into an unrecognizable goo. There really was no harm in it at the time. Turns out he didn't really like girls that much anyway.

I am both enchanted and utterly terrified about my son and this GIRL in my house, this toxic testosterone and estrogen mixing business. I'm fairly certain my kid likes girls. Danger danger Will Robinson.

It wasn't long when the mother of this GIRL came to my door and got her kid. To ease any fears this other mother might have had I called out a loud farewell when this GIRL bolted out my door. I said "goodbye" but what I meant was, "Your kid was not alone with my kid at any time while they were in my home, hallelujah."

GIRL gone. Status quo leveling off. Sewing machine pristine.

Smell of socks? Still lingering.

4 comments:

  1. I wonder if Spouse Guy will fear for his power tools when Sparky is old enough to bring a boy home. SG's the only testosteroned creature in a house full of human and cat estrogen.

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  2. I'm not quite sure it was the sewing machine or the crock pot that needed the protection ... it was more likely the rolling pin that needed it ... if you catch my drift.

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  3. Me thinks, the Casa Queen doesnt want to share. Well dont let your son go outside ever again cuz GIRLs can be a bad influence ;)

    Erf

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  4. Now you'll get to experience the girl/boy learning curve somewhat from the other side (point of view.) Remember that they are both probably a little scared about it, too. Good luck.

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