Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Coffee Talk

So...the coffee's a'brewin' and I'm thinking about orgasms.

Not that one has to do with the other. I mean you probably could have an orgasm caused by coffee, but on the whole coffee and orgasms aren't related entities. I'm just brewing a nice pot of coffee and my mind got to wandering.

Anyway. Orgasms. Those are fun.

They also have their time and their place. A friend of my husband, who works in the mental health field, tells story about a medication which, in a very small percentage of it's users, comes with the side effect of having an orgasm when you sneeze. I don't know if the story is valid, but imagine the places and people you'd have to avoid so you wouldn't have an orgasm in public. You'd have to bring extra changes of clothes with you everywhere!

On the whole I prefer my orgasms to happen in private, on my terms, without a bunch of people watching. I'm sorta shy that way.

However, I do think the occasional surprise orgasm in public would add to the greater good.

I think the state of the union would be far better had somebody had an orgasm in the presence of Dubya. I think it's been a very long time for Georgie.

Having a surprise orgasm would be a good way to get out of speeding and parking tickets. Not that I ever speed or park illegally. I drive like my Grandma...and she's dead. Dead grandmas is another entity we shouldn't relate to orgasms. Yar.

Having one while in the audience for an Oprah taping seems to be par for the course. Everyone loves Oprah. The bantering that goes on between the estro-tards on The View might be improved if there were a couple orgasms. Think about that Barb.

Have one at Walmart, though no one would notice. Therefore, have multiples.

Don't forget the DMV. Anything to liven up those long winding lines is acceptable. Then, when you take your license photo, you'll look like you've been up to something.

Anywhere there is a security camera. Like at the ATM. It will become a YouTube viral video and you will make money. Maybe not Pam Anderson / Tommy Lee money, but a couple of shiny nickels.

On that note, I make very good coffee.

But, I'm kinda sad that I don't have to visit the DMV until November.

13 comments:

  1. That's fine for you ladies.

    For us men, the sheer volume of extra underwear we'd have to pack and carry around would make this more like hard exercise.

    And no guy wants that shit.

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  2. You are a nut, I tell you, an absolute nut but a very funny nut.

    Perhaps, Justin can recommend you as a subject for studying to his friend who works in the mental health field ;)

    I think we all should attend the DMV on your birthday just to see if u get real excited, lol

    Erf

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  3. Screw the clothes. I'd carry an extra shaker of pepper.

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  4. Moog, with enough practice men can manage quite nicely (and multiply-y) without the...uh...mess. Besides, you do it the messy way often enough and the mess is way less messy. Um. Yeah...that's what I read in a book once anyway.

    Erf...I think I can do my license renewal online since I drive like my Grandma. Otherwise the DMV in the big city is a 120 mile drive. Now I have to admit to pathetic-ness when I claim that Elko is the big city.

    Or pollen Blogarita...for like pollinating. Har har, cheesy joke.

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  5. I have been drinking and your post actually appears to make sense. Since I am a huge fan of orgasms AND coffee, you've got my Wednesday night Battle of the Blogs vote, assuming I can push the right buttons from here on in.

    Another housewife, desperate not absentminded.
    Roxy

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  6. I think Georgie has to have had an orgasm fairly recently . . .if there's even a small ratio of orgasm to f**king the country in his life

    ReplyDelete
  7. He may have had orgasms but I don't think he's been in the presence of anyone else having an orgasm in very very very very long time.

    And suddenly I think of his daughter's wedding...and I'm nauseated.

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  8. Please tell me what medication this is. My sneezes are too boring.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think my husband's friend was pulling my leg, but it's not off base. Sneezing is related to orgasms in a physical/anatomical sense.

    Then the drug Clomipramine has shown to cause orgasms in a small percentage of users when they yawn. (Though most people using it find they can't orgasm at all.)

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  10. After reading this, all I could think about is my boss. He is one of those who never just sneezes once. He usually sneezes in cluster, like 10-12 little sneezes one right after the other. Can you imagine what that would do to him, not to mention the mess it would make...

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  11. I think my wife is having an afair with our washing machine.
    There are never any dirty clothes in the hamper ... and the "uneven load" lamp has burned out.

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  12. With a township population of about 36,000, Elko is known as the hub of Northeastern Nevada. I think there might be more street lights here than there are ppl there, lol

    So u dont have to get your picture taken for your drivers licence each year then right?

    Have u made any apple pies lately?

    Emote Glutton

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  13. I made a nice cheesecake last week. Cheese...on cheesecake.

    ReplyDelete

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