Monday, July 07, 2008

The gift of the scraggy

Yesterday my husband told me he had a present for me.

This man I married...he gives me little gifts often. Usually movies, or baked goods, or cans of iced tea, or hairs on the soap. It's completely sweet especially since I gave birth to his babies after hour upon hour of painful labor, which rendered my bottom half into a floppy deflated balloon, and he sorta owes me...right? Each gift is tallied and then I show my appreciation.

(No, he doesn't owe me. I'm kidding. I'm not going to fault him for not being talented enough to use a uterus.)

Anyway, when my husband told me he had a present for me, I expected some chocolate. I've run out of the lovely Russell Stover triple chocolate mousse wafers he gave me on another occasion.

I did not expect him to hold me hold me down, lift up my shirt, and rub his summer beard all over my balloonish tummy.

(I heard that dejected sigh. Here you thought it was getting good with all the shirt lifting. Well neener neener, you ain't getting free thrills here...buncha perverts.)

He called this, "the gift of beard".

The gift of beard tickles, unlike the "gift of chocolate."

Justin almost got "the gift of wetting my pants" in return. The gift of wet pants isn't as nice as "the gift of hairy soap".

Still, I can appreciate the gift of beard. (I'm not talented enough to grow one as Grizzly Adams as his is.) No one has to get you a present, ya know?





Did you hear me Justin. I'm out of Russell Stover. OUT!



***

Get in your Gertie story. I got a prize for the winnah! It's not a paperweight and it's not "the gift of hairy soap".

8 comments:

  1. Oddly enough, I understand this gift, and appreciate it' merits.

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  2. Oooh! Now I am craving Russel Stover chocolates. Tell Justin to send me some too, because, ya know, he is nice like that, right?? ;)

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  3. I got the gift of beard once, too.

    European chicks suck.

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  4. Glad that Dadguy doesn't try to give me gifts like that! His beard would HURT!

    Seriously.... chocolates. Stat!

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  5. lol @ gift of hairy soap. My wife has solved this problem, she has her own soap which i dont use.

    Gift of recent growth scratches, so i have been told but i didnt get any complaints when i had a full grown beard. However, my wife got the kids to call me "monster daddy" or "weirdo wih the beardo" when i had a beard so i didnt keep it!

    Erf

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  6. your husband is a talented gift giver...made you happy and didn't spend a dime. next time I'd skip the chocolates and hint towards a pre-paid gasoline card.

    oh crap I forgot about my gertie story...wasn't I an honorable mention in the kenny story?

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  7. I've grown accustomed to "gift of hair stubbled legs".

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  8. That is a thoughtful gift ... afterall ... He made it himself!

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