Flushed

I love toilet cleaning. LOVE IT! How could one not when you are the lone female in a house with four males, one of them still getting the hang of the potty? It's an Tolkien adventure every time you stick your hands into the bowl.

This is how I know toilet cleaning is a hoot.

1. Bleachy toilet cleaning products smell sharp at first, but as you breathe them in it takes on a mellow floaty aspect that is really quite pleasant.

2. Toilet cleaning time is built in alone time. No one wants to hang over you while you perform the task which means you can think deeply about profound subjects...like the Democratic convention and Joe Biden. If you thought about McCain you'd only have to clean the toilet all over again.

3. You can move the toilet seat up and down, like working a puppet, and make it say all the things you wouldn't normally say out loud. If you are caught, justify what you were doing by blaming the toilet's "potty mouth".

4. Plunging has compelling phallic qualities. Plunge and plunge and OH plunge and YES PLUNGE AND PLUNGE HARDER AND HARDER AND OH YES YES YES!

5. You can practice optimism and thank the powers that be that you aren't scrubbing down an outhouse, flushing out a chamber pot, or hanging your posterior over a log in the middle of January at 3 a.m.

6. The sparkle of clean porcelain makes one feel fabulous and sophisticated.




You're right. I need more coffee. I'll get on that right now.