Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Flushed

I love toilet cleaning. LOVE IT! How could one not when you are the lone female in a house with four males, one of them still getting the hang of the potty? It's an Tolkien adventure every time you stick your hands into the bowl.

This is how I know toilet cleaning is a hoot.

1. Bleachy toilet cleaning products smell sharp at first, but as you breathe them in it takes on a mellow floaty aspect that is really quite pleasant.

2. Toilet cleaning time is built in alone time. No one wants to hang over you while you perform the task which means you can think deeply about profound subjects...like the Democratic convention and Joe Biden. If you thought about McCain you'd only have to clean the toilet all over again.

3. You can move the toilet seat up and down, like working a puppet, and make it say all the things you wouldn't normally say out loud. If you are caught, justify what you were doing by blaming the toilet's "potty mouth".

4. Plunging has compelling phallic qualities. Plunge and plunge and OH plunge and YES PLUNGE AND PLUNGE HARDER AND HARDER AND OH YES YES YES!

5. You can practice optimism and thank the powers that be that you aren't scrubbing down an outhouse, flushing out a chamber pot, or hanging your posterior over a log in the middle of January at 3 a.m.

6. The sparkle of clean porcelain makes one feel fabulous and sophisticated.




You're right. I need more coffee. I'll get on that right now.

13 comments:

  1. I'm glad Piss Boys aren't around either.

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  2. It's my wife's favorite chore. I always think she's kidding.

    She never is.

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  3. Writer Dad? I'm inviting Writer Mom over for "coffee".

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  4. Meggy...get this...I've gone to DECAFF.

    This is me on DECAFF.

    Oh lord...

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  5. Thanks for the giggle, that gives it a whole new spin. I only have one male to clean up after, and that's enough.

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  6. Becky, do u make house calls?

    Erf

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  7. If this is the case, I must be oozing with sophistication and fabulosity or fabularity or wtf-ever it's called.

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  8. *grinds a prozac pill into fine white dust and secrets it into your coffee*

    *smiles nervously at you and pat pat pats you on the shoulder*

    There there...there there...

    *scootches the bleach bottle behind me with my foot*

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  9. I'm the one who cleans the toilets in the house.

    But not anymore, since the phallic comment.

    I had no idea I was gay.

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  10. You are probably right that you need coffee. I also need a mocha and I haven't been cleaning any of our toilets. We just had lunch so I'll give that a little time to settle, then head for 4-bucks. How do you like that push button in the lid potty?

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  11. Never looked at it that way before. However, I am still going to make my husband do the toilet cleaning. lol

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  12. Ha.Today at work I won the cleaning lottery. Yep. I got to clean the bathrooms. S'okay. Ask Justin-NOTHING will scare you after a rifle range latrine.

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