Tuesday, August 05, 2008

It's filthy under the gingham tablecloth.

Wanna see something cute? I know I do! Let's look at cute-ness together, shall we?


Aww!


Adorable!


So sweet!


Serene. What a lovely view.


Oh looky, another cowy cow cow! Isn't it cute?


Wait.

Is that cow poop? It is. Oh my god, that cow pooped! It did! Right where it stood. Oh yuck!



Alrighty, I'll get to the point.

Don't move to the country, to lands peppered by farms, enchanted by the open spaces, the pastures, the slow living, the views of barns and frolicking livestock...and then get upset when that same livestock creates a lot of less than fresh smelling...



Which causes...



Or else your good ole' boy farmer neighbor will up-end cars along your property lines.

Do these people really think that the hypnotically delicious smelling cheeseburgers they order through a impersonal talking box at the drive-thru are magically provided by the cheeseburger fairy?

It's comes right down to the food chain. Ecosystems really do exist outside of the rainforest. Stinky poop and flies, they make delicious smelling cheeseburgers possible. Cow gotta job, seed's gotta job, poop gotta job, fly gotta job. This results in the bun, the patty, the cheese, the tomato, even that heavy layer of special sauce. And bacon, delicious bacon.

I've graduated from Bovine University.

If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go put some cheerios in some fancy victorian illustrated envelopes and market them as donut seeds. I won't make millions but I know I'll at least make back the cost of the cereal and the printing.

5 comments:

  1. uhhh...do those them there seeds come in Jelly filled?

    ReplyDelete
  2. U r a nut,,, just in case u havent heard that recently, i wanted to mention it again, that u are a nut!

    When we bought our house, that was down wind from a farm, we had to sign a document that said we are aware that farms smell so that we couldnt sue the builder for not informing us. Like who doesnt know that farms smell.

    Erf

    ReplyDelete
  3. And then there are those who move in next door to an airport or race track, then complain about the noise! A dairy farm in the area where I used to live in south King County (call it The Peoples Republic of King County) forced the 100+ year old farm to move most of their cows to Eastern Washington because so many of the people moving into the new homes where farms used to be complained about the smell. Now I'll bet those same people are bitching about the price of milk, forgetting that they forced the dairy to truck it 100 miles.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I wanna grow my own! Can I use them in a hydroponic set-up, except instead of water I'll use glaze, and when they are ripe they'lll already be glazed? I heart science!

    ReplyDelete
  5. PPpfffttt...if that cow manure helped to grow the awesome salad I had today....

    More power to cow shit!

    Oh, and them nasty flies.

    ReplyDelete

Absent Minded Archives