Friday, September 19, 2008

Ahhh push it...push it good.

We're only a month into the school year, not even really into Autumn yet, and germy coughing and snot has descended upon Casa Absentminded.

Justin has been coughing. My three year old woke up this morning, sneezed, and unleashed a professional wrestler sized gob of yellow snot across his chest. I complained yesterday, and I'll reiterate this complaint this morning, that my tonsils are the size of 1990 cell phones.

To prove the point, I give you a Radio Shack commercial about a 1990 cell phone. Enjoy.

Dude, you've got a HUGE cell phone. If I had a cell phone that huge I'd show it off every chance I got.

I notice that there are sixteen evenly spaced, same color buttons on the archaic cell phone. My own phone, which is very small yet still wimpy because it does not text or take photos, has 19 buttons. I understand what most of them do. My husband has his own cell phone, the exact same free model that came with our plan, which has the same 19 buttons.

And just when I was feeling technologically superior to our 1990 Radio Shack cell phone user and Tandy computer enthusiast, I began to think about how many buttons I have around me, begging to be pushed.

The four remotes that run my family room entertainment system? 101 buttons.
That isn't counting the buttons on the actual units themselves: 19 buttons.
And the buttons on the remotes and the units to the TV in the bedroom: 86
Then the buttons on our alarm clocks: 20.
Not to mention the buttons on the brain of this house, our computer, not counting all the plug ins and drives. 132.
Then the kitchen buttons on the appliances I use everyday...because counting the appliances I don't use that much would be silly: 46. (Just to clarify, my coffeepot only has 1 button.)
And landline phone buttons: 39
Then the buttons in the van including the buttons on the garage door opener and our keys: 87
Then all the light switches in the house: 14
And last but not least: 2 toilet levers.

I did not count the TV and DVD player in my son's room or any other of their electronics, including the Playstation. I also did not count the buttons on my sewing machines or my other equipment used for the making of the crafts. I'm sure I missed a bunch of stuff too, like my vacuum and my washer and dryer.

Just let me add up my buttons on my computer calculator so I don't have to count handheld calculator buttons...mmm carry the 2...mmm yes yes...Grand total, 565 buttons that run most of my daily life.

And I know what a majority of these buttons do. I'm still trying to decipher the toilet levers.

My tonsils being huge is not what is making that number hard to choke down...and what gets me especially is that my number is relatively low compared to the average American consumer. I mean, seriously, I don't have a DVD player in my fabulous mini van.

I think if my coffee pot can run on one button, certainly I can get myself a button which would keep my three year old from producing wrestler sized gobs of snot. Or maybe a button that would make it possible to aim and shoot my toddler's snot on command.

That could be useful when shopping for new improved buttons on electronics during the Christmas season.


  1. oh thst phone brings back memories.

    when i first learned to drive my parents had one of those and anytime i went anywhere by myself i had to lug that stupid thing along. i hated it.

    maybe that's why im not that interested in cell phones now. like yours, my cell phone is very boring.

  2. In the time it took you to count those buttons, you could have cleaned my house.

    But yet you didn't. This does NOT endear you to me. Do better. DO BETTER. Housewife my ass.

  3. You should see my linoleum Meggy Darling...

  4. I've never thought to try to count buttons. I mainly need to know the "start" and "stop" ones. Most of the others just seem to get in the way.

    I didn't have one of those 1990 cell phones but I sure wish I'd bought more of their stock back then. I wish that I knew now which stocks to buy.

    I'll pass on those 3 year old related questions. Even my youngest grandchild is now 5 years older than that. It does get easier as they get older. But they are not as cute in some ways.

    I don't think fuchsia's would do very well in your climate. I don't think they like being in the hot sun up here and our hot sun is not as strong as yours. But I could be wrong.

  5. What about the buttons on the battery operated toys? You likely have to pick-up those, on a daily basis, after the kids are finished playing with them. Dont the kids just drop them where ever they last played with them?

    If i started counting buttons today, that i use on a regular basis, i might get a final count by about friday after loosing count 8 times and having to start over.

    Only u would think about counting buttons, lol



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