Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Absent Minded Tease

Hi. I'm Becky, The Absent Minded Housewife.

For the record, I am not Becky, The Absent Minded Prostitute. Or, Becky, The Absent Minded Swinger. Or, Becky, The Absent Minded Small Town Dominatrix. (Even if my previous post hinted at such notions. I lied to all of you.)

For those readers and other hangers on who live in my general area, you well know that my little town of Bendover, NV has a reputation as being a DEN OF SIN. It's a blight on the Utah horizon. It's a place where you can drink wine out of a box right on the streets. It's a place where you can wallow in filthy lucre. It's hedonism in it's most trailer park form. If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, it really sticks like a booger on your finger in Bendover.

So what happens when you use the above photo in your social networking profiles and you admit that you live in what's someone else's perceived DEN OF SIN?

You get offers.

There are unseemly men and women out there who think that if they sauntered into my town to visit our fine casinos that I would be free and willing to perform all manner of disgusting activities. In exchange for such services I'm offered anything between fulfillment of what they tell me is every housewife's fantasy to money orders filled out for large amounts. Liquor is optional.

I'm flattered...sorta. I do like the above photo. It makes the most of not showing any of my stretchmarks and gives me the illusion of having breasts.

Declining offers is loads of fun sometimes. The last offer asked if I was really that hot and then asked if I was cool about "chatting" with him. I replied that I was lukewarm. Perfectly and monogamously lukewarm. Other times I'll be asked if I'm interested in some disease passing activity and I'll just reply "Nope."

More often than not the follow up I receive after declining advances is, "Have you always lived in Bendover?" Which only means, "I thought you lived in Bendover and you know what kind of folks choose to live in that DEN OF SIN, so why won't you boink me you silly pantyhosed woman?"

I just love boinking random backwards strangers. Bah...eejits.

There has got to be some way to make money out of this while keeping my skirt in it's proper place.

16 comments:

  1. For the record, I am not Becky, The Absent Minded Prostitute. Or, Becky, The Absent Minded Swinger. Or, Becky, The Absent Minded Small Town Dominatrix.

    Now you tell me. I wonder if I can cancel my room at the Bendover Super 8?

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  2. See? You have to give people things to talk about, or they make shit up!

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  3. i tried to read ur post but i jus kept starrin at ur pic. u r hawt! msg me! we can git it on! i <3 u!
    i wanna %$#^# u! u webcam? yummy!

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  4. :D

    Just for the record I find it disheartening that the best a guy can do to try and entice a woman to be interested in him is crap like that. Sad.

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  5. Well, I think that over the years that I've been reading your blog, this is the best photo you have ever used in your profile. I guess that some people don't bother READING what you have written but instead just try to put their own imaginations to work. Had they read your blog they would have a much better understanding of you and know that those weird, extreme ideas do not fit. I'd say just continue what you have been doing so well over the years. Some of the hangers on may not understand but we readers enjoy your blog just as it is.

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  6. Sorry, u have to put up with those eejits. Perhaps they will come over and lay some tiles in your kitchen.

    LOL @ "illusion of having breasts." Well at least they remain bigger than mine but perhaps not for long!

    I enjoy your blogs. I know u woulnt let anyone get to u that much.

    Take care and just put those that bug u too much on iggy.

    Erf

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  7. Sooooo, I then take it you were just kidding about the inflatable marital aid on the rooftop come Valentines Day?

    Bummer.

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  8. You could just keep your skirt on and fling it over your head ....

    Of course that would entice Justin to do all manner of nasty things ~ all of which would be enjoyable for you (I assume).

    On the other hand, why do you even bother responding to these, "people" (and I use the terms loosely)? I think I'd just ignore them completely.

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  9. LOL @ gina, skirt over head does sound like a good idea. Well not YOU in particular though Becky, dont take me wrong. U know i am not that picky eh.

    If any female lifts her skirt over her head i would take a ganger. And think of it when a female has her skirt over her head she might not be able to see enuf to yell out instructions.

    Erf the perv

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  10. If you need instructions while my skirt is over my head ... yer ... ok, I shouldn't ruin her blog.

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  11. I enjoy responding to my SLC neighbors. Ruining delusions is awesome, especially when you use your huge properly spelled vocabulary. In addition to living in a den of sin, which marks you as loose, it also marks a person as uneducated.

    As for my skirts, I just farted, so go ahead and lift them up.

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  12. You should have heard the bullshit I heard come out of some Happy Valley residents mouths at the BYU game last Saturday. What IGNORANT people. And they call themselves good mormons.

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  13. I feel your pain. I'm in Arizona and we're loaded with Mormons.

    The Missionaries used to stop by our house about 2 times a month. Once I learned that since they're on 'mission work'...they had to do anything you asked them to....

    I had them poop scoop and mow my yard.

    We've never had a Missionary at the house since.

    HA!

    BTW.....great picture!

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  14. Were they serving caffienated cokes that day, Jill, or did those folks bring their own?

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  15. I had my flask in my purse. Vodka is the only way I can stomach all these people I have to live around. Just kidding, my kids were with me. One guy did say that Freddy Mercury was a "flaming homo that died of aids and he deserved it." Then he went on talking about church stuff.

    At least I can be myself, not go to church and still be a good person.

    The church called last night. The bishop wants to meet with us. We must be in trouble!!!!!!!!!!!

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