Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Blanket Hogs

Justin, my ever decreasing husband, and I, sleep butt to butt.

He's ever decreasing because at this point he's lost 34 pounds. His losing weight has nothing whatsoever to do with why we sleep butt to butt. We've almost always slept that way. The night of the State of the Union address is an amusing circus under the sheets.

When we were first married we tried to sleep in each other's arms, you know, like how happily married folk are supposed to sleep. Little wistful smiles pasted on our betrothed faces, perfectly pressed linens, sharing one pair of pajamas and a remarkable lack of bedhead. Ahh, the picture of bliss.

What we found is that one of us was always breathing in the other's exhale, which resulted in lightheadedness, and that even though you appear thin, when you are asleep you weigh as much as shetland pony. Wistful smiles are not comfortable smiles.

Though Justin and I have been married long enough to make us an example to others, I still wonder if we are going about this properly and even more interesting, what other people are doing in their marriages.

This is sort of a backwards thought to put into writing on my blog. I once wrote about an emailer who asked why, as a housewife, I didn't go on more about my marriage. To sum up, I told that emailer to quit being a Nosey Nosepicker. No one invited you to the special and sacred intimacy that is the sheet circus.

It's not that I want to be invited to other people's sheet circuses. That's how we pass along communicable diseases. Just that every great once in a while I want to know if my marriage is not terribly abnormal by comparing it with every one else's marriage. I'm staying away from the word "normal" because there are enough norms to make what Justin and I have normal. The ego stick gets another notch if I can compare favorably in my own head.

So, give your own ego stick a notch if you can manage to sleep in each other's arms. Or, notch it if you sleep butt to butt and agree with me. Or notch it if you sleep in separate rooms because you snore like a rhino in heat and you find living together much more pleasant when you both get a full 8 hours. Or give yourself a notch if you both manage to stay dry throughout the night.

Good. I don't feel so backwards anymore.

Now quit trying to sneak peaks at my ego stick, Nosey Nosepicker.


  1. We sleep butt-to-butt, more or less. We both toss & turn (usually at the same time) and sometimes end up one person's back to the other person's front, but never spooning while sleeping.

  2. Back in the day, I'd fall asleep with my head on his shoulder and one arm across his chest. Or rather, he'd fall asleep with me that way, then I'd roll over and fall asleep my own prefered way. Which is to say, without touching another human body.

    Now we skip the formalities and assume the back to back position from the get-go. It works for us, but I sure would like to switch sides of the bed once in a while.

  3. we sleep butt to butt...sometimes we start out snuggling, but never face to face---i hate that.

  4. We be spooners. Aren't we adorable?

    Sometimes we do the butt-to-butt thing, but we make sure we touch. We have to touch in order to sleep. Seriously. Either my leg is under his, or his is over mine, or he's holding onto my arm. Something. We're weird. And we've been married more than a few years now. But later into the night we end up doing the whole spooning thing and we like it.

  5. We started out sneaking into a twin bed with each other at one of our parents' houses. That's how I knew we belonged together—we could share a twin bed and sleep like babies.

    Now it's mostly butt to butt, usually not touching. Spooning is nice, but for actually falling asleep, somebody's gotta turn over.

  6. Side by side, touching pretty much all the way and each with a hand on the other. Somewhere.

    She can sleep like that all night without hardly moving but I have to change positions every couple of hours or so. And then she has a cat on the other side of her.

  7. My cat sleeps on the foot of the bed, on my side.

  8. My first marriage, we fit like puzzle pieces face to face. once, napping on the floor at his mother's house, she thought I was gone because it looked like only one person under the blanket.

    Now in my second marriage, it's butt to butt.

  9. I've known my wife for 20 years, and we're about to celebrate our 13th anniversary.

    We are both 5 feet tall, and have a king size bed.

    We sleep as far apart from each other as is humanly possible. We sleep so far apart that the sun rises on my side of the bed 15 minutes earlier than hers.

    The only time we touch at night is when she's punching me in the small of my back or head to stop me from snoring.


  10. Sleeping butt to butt is a lot better than sleeping butt to face when u breath in the other's exhale!

    I sleep with a ventriloquist, at least my wife thinks so, she tends to hear snoring from my side of the bed while i lay awake at night knowing that its coming from her side of the bed.

    We tend to start out spooning but by then end of the night are more often then not butt to butt, that is when i sleep, lol

    The cat tends to show up about 2 hours before we are ready to get up and walks all over us to get us to wake up. He wants to play. Of course since the snorer is harder to wake up, the cat normally ends up playing with me!


  11. OMG,
    Life married to a light sleeper is not romantic in the least. Twenty years and counting. Always butt to butt...but, sometimes his head is at my feet. Weird, I know, but it works for him. After children, sleep is always the most important commodity.

    I'll tell you later Betty


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