Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I want candy.

I know today's Oprah is going to piss me off.

(From this point on, Oprah will be referred to as "Oh-pur")

I also know that the expensive toilet paper that I don't buy still wouldn't be enough to wipe off with after I've gotten pissed off.

The intro to today's show, The best money lessons that you can teach your child, reads:

When every dollar counts, parents are having to say no…when all they've ever said is yes. How to tell your overindulged kids that the spending has to stop now!


To which Suze Orman earns another paycheck from Oh-pur and tells us how to put our foot down with our spoiled bratty children. Just say no to designer jeans, shoes, video games, phones and MP3 players that cost more than what mexican immigrants make in a year.

Oh-pur got the idea from the NY Times article, The Frugal Teenager, Ready or Not.

Reading the above has pissed me off. I now know why monkeys throw shit at mouthbreathing people in zoos. Where is that expensive toilet paper I don't buy then?

Last week I complained about being frustrated in parenting my oldest son. Today I've had a moment of serenity about him because he's never thrown a screaming tantrum because I've refused to buy him a laptop. I've also refused to buy him a cell phone (because he does not need one) and I've refused to buy him a PS3 (because *I* do not want that expensive mind sucking device in my house along with the other less expensive mind sucking devices.) If he wants either he will have to get a J*O*B.

This show should be an embarrassment to all parents in the USA, whether you've cursed society with a Veruca Salt or not.

Why can't those parents give to ME money dammit!? Hear that, you brat breeders? GIVE ME MONEY. GIVE IT TO ME. I WANT IT. I WANT IT NOW. GIVE IT TO ME OR I'LL CALL CPS! GIVE IT TO ME AND YOUR KIDS WILL FINALLY THINK YOU ARE COOL!

I'm never going to get into an Oh-pur audience on Favorite Things day.

I've talked about this wave of entitlement before...when our houses were still worth what we interest only mortgaged them for and our borrowed against 401k's were still vitamin enriched. HERE I complain about designer degrees and student loan debt and HERE I complain about the freewheeling credit card habits of my generation.

All of this gets my generic ten dollar long inseam jeans in a wad. Pissed. Yup pissed. No other reason to keep using potty words.

So...how do you tell your kids no? Put your tongue up against the roof of your mouth, form the "N" sound, move your mouth into a round shape and slide that N into a long "O". Nnnnehhhoooohhhh.

No. Period. Have all the tantrums you like. I'm going to be your parent and not your buddy. I will be your parent and instill in you that your worth has nothing to do with the logo on your clothes or the battery operated devices plugging up your ears. I will be your parent and try to raise you into manhood or womanhood and not into entitle-hood.

So no. Just no.


Oh-pur.

18 comments:

  1. The world needs more people like you. I felt as though this rant went straight from my mind to your blog. I love it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Go You !

    It is amazing how may commercials push off from the position of trying to manipulate parents' need to be considered cool to their children.

    ReplyDelete
  3. dammit
    i tried 3X to delete the duplicate comment and it won't let me.
    so i always say if a things worth sayin',
    it's worth repeating.
    i said,
    oh,
    ok.
    :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. DAMMIT
    now it deleted the original comment.
    i give up.
    pain in the butt.
    not you.
    google thing.
    comment thing.
    forgetit.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'll get rid of the deletes, cuz I'm awesome that way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. now i feel like a total loser but i better explain.
    i SAID orignally
    oprah doesn't know what she's missing. she should put you on her show and give you a car.
    there now.
    that's better isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  7. My kids ask me if I'd like to go see Oh-pur and I say no and they ask why (because she'll give you stuff) and I tell them that I have no desire to see Oh-pur even though I enjoy her shows (except the ones where she fawns over celebrities) even though she might give me stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just got done watching Oh-pur.

    I'm pissed off.

    Gah...

    ReplyDelete
  9. oh i could not agree with you more. my son, who is ten, keeps nagging us for a cell phone. it soooo is not going to happen. so he needs to just drop it.

    for the record, i have a hard time watching oprah without getting pissed off. she seems like a nice enough lady, but i think her massive wealth has distanced her from the average person, whether she thinks it or not.

    don't even get me started on her "favorite things" shows. ugh. i have no problem splurging on a small high priced item now and again, but $300 lounge wear and $80 candles are just a waste.

    to go along with corey's comment above, a few days ago i got an e-mail from the childrens book of the month club. i used to be a member, but havent been so in a while. the email was titled "be the popular parent. re-join the club."

    did they really think that would work?

    ReplyDelete
  10. It seems to work often enough.

    I used to subscribe to Highlights magazine for children. I like the magazine. It's cute and educational. No ads.

    Except they call you to death and mail you to death. You aren't a good parent, concerned with the education of your children, if you don't buy all the supplemental materials. Sorry Highlights, I'm not subscribing again.

    My current commerical peeve is those Leapfrog commercials...guy in the frog suit espousing better reading by using a pen which reads the story (featuring cartoon characters) to you. You could silently read the not fun book, or you could hold a pen over the text and read the super awesome super fun book!

    Books DO NOT NEED BATTERIES. Do I have to repeat that? Books don't need to have a PC message, or cartoon characters, or interactive crap. They are books. Reading is reading. I'm not buying your crap.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hee! Poor little kiddos, hearing the dreaded "N" word for the first time in their ungrateful, wretched little lives. Now I feel like I have been doing mah kids a favor all along!

    The path to kinder, gentler parenting starts with a heartfelt "HELL NO!"

    ReplyDelete
  12. I must be out of touch as I don't even know what a PS3 is. Does it fly?

    I am long past the time of buying toys and things like that for my kids, but remember that grandparents are a good source for those kind of expensive things. We don't have to feed and dress the rapidly growing little ones on a regular basis, so do still have some disposable money left.

    ReplyDelete
  13. PS3...playstation 3...a video game console.

    Not that I'm wholly against video games. They have their place. I find them to be social and great for developing problem solving abilities. You just have to weigh that against it's negatives. The cost. The time. The view of needing one to be a worthy individual in the neighborhood.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This story and the one on Dooce is entertaining to me for many reasons, one of them being that I grew up in a Black community where no meant no. No negotiating (which is considered back talk) no whining (also considered back talk) and certainly no getting around it. Giving in was an anomaly. I now eat dessert before dinner and treat my self, but my credit card debt is less than $100 and I can run up the stairs with out running out of breath. I hope I am able to give my kids more than I had in a Little House on the Prairie way too.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Laelephant, I grew up in rural Utah (which was so white it was translucent blue) and in my part of the world it was considered back talk too.

    It's not that way anymore, where I'm from. It's plain obnoxious where I'm from, lol.

    It is still that way in where I live now...but then where I live now is mostly made up of immigrants who appreciate that they aren't living on dirt floors anymore. The pressure on my kids to wear designer clothes is nil. Some of these kids don't even have winter coats.

    ReplyDelete

Absent Minded Archives