Wednesday, October 08, 2008

That one. Those two.

Debate! Debate, debate, debate, debate, debate, debate and debate!

Ahhh, got that out of my system.

Now let's discuss something else.

Like boobs.

I said I had a post on boobs in me months ago, but I was restrained because my home internet was on the fritz and the computer I was borrowing at Justin's school disallowed me to search for and post photos of boobies. All good things to those that wait...and besides, our school district doesn't disillusion itself with abstinence only education.


I have them. I think. There are definitely odd protrusions on my chest. This is a recent, in my thirties, development. I thought I'd go back to my usual protrusionless state after my third child was born but amazingly I've kept some cleavage this time around. I like it, sort of. It doesn't chaff.

I'm still quite lopsided though.

It's only the rare woman whose protrusions aren't odd. Bras misdirect us into thinking that it's not ok to look like National Geographic models. They must be round, they must be firm, they must not sit under our armpits and they must not have unfashionable nipples. On top of this you must wear the right bra, which can't be built like an armored tank, but must be an expression of your personality at all times.

I'm here to tell you, as a self appointed mammary ambassador, that your boobs are ok. Unless you are growing an evil twin out of one of them, your boobs are normal. Too big and they drag on the floor? Normal. Too small and the nipples point towards your ribcage? Normal. You have what looks like a hedgehog around each nipple? Normal. One points east and the other points west? Normal. Swirling purple stretchmarks? Normal. You have a great expanse of valley between your mountains. Normal.

There are practical improvements on normal of course, like breast reductions or the removal of your evil twin, but otherwise I find getting wrapped up in whether or not our boobs look good is silly. Here I am submitting proof of my non-silliness, admitting forever and ever, on the interwebs, that I have near flat, somewhat saggy, uneven, hairy boobs...which are wonderfully sensitive and somewhat practical. I have a dent in my sternum too. It's sexy.

And if you think you've got great tits? Good on ya.

I know, I've preached the word about boobs with nary a photo to illustrate my point.

Blue feet on your boobs. Normal.

Reform! Taxes taxes taxes and terrorists. Main street, wall street, healthcare, Joe Six Pack, BUY MY MORTGAGE, BUY IT! BUYYYYYY ITTTTT!

Sorry. Slipped out.

No. I'm not posting a photo of my sternum dent. Deal.


  1. I stopped reading fashion magazines years ago because they just don't promote Normal. Whatever you have, accept it and love it. You'll be much happier for it.

  2. I watched last night's debate but it really didn't mean anything to me as I have already determined who I will vote for. And it seems that with all politicians, that the promises made ahead during the election season usually don't get followed up on anyway.

    As to boobs, I agree with you. There are no bad boobs although they are all different. And that makes them a great subject for a guy to study.

  3. My fashion photographer friend spends HOURS AND HOURS with photoshop, evening the size, shape and tone of models' boobs.

  4. I am not commenting on your post cuz anything that is normal isnt about me!


  5. I love this post about boobs. I have boobs too. I did not like my boobs for many years. Now, I totally dig my boobs. They're just as droopy and stretch-marky as they've always been, but now I love them.


Absent Minded Archives