Monday, January 05, 2009

Forever Young

As I look back to the past mid-winter festival like holiday pastime, there is one gift that stands out as the most meaningful. I'm sure my husband would agree as it was a gift given to him, from Santa himself, placed ever so carefully in Justin's stocking.

Fine, I shoved a bottle of Brut cologne in a quilted sock at 2 in the morning.

I paid seven dollars for the Brut. 1.3 ounces.

I was trying to purchase a bottle of Elsha for my husband. He likes Elsha. I like Elsha. It's $38 for an 8 ounce bottle. If you are a math whiz that's $4.75 an ounce which by the ounce is less than the Brut. That's if you can find it. I could not. I found aisles full of Polo. Shelves upon shelves of Tim McGraw's new signature scent. I found Stetson and Ralph Lauren and all kinds of other sporting brands of cologne. No Elsha anywhere.

I smelled them all too. I whiffed. I snorted. I got a little buzzed. Brut smelled best so that's what I bought. It didn't smell like musky flowery cheese.

Brut smells like puberty.

Remember going to Jr. High dances? Age 14, pimply, bepuffed hair, wearing flowery dresses with giant sleeves and bows at the back. You entered the gym and a wall of BO masked with Brut cologne met you and you knew it was boy hunting time.

Hunting boys was a careful procedure. You couldn't be too forward, lest you incur embarrassment, and you couldn't be to shy, lest you won't get asked to dance. You sat with your friends on the bleachers on one side of the gym, giggling, until one sex or the other would cross the great divide, to take your sweaty glitter polished hand and ask you to join them for five minutes of agony.

If it was a fast song you showed off your clutzy running man. It's Hammer time.

If it was a slow song you got the worry of where to put your hands, or wondering if you were breathing too loud, or trying not to step on his foot with your heel.

And if you were me, and it was a slow song, you were a foot taller than your partner and his eyes met squarely with your padded bra.

At the end of the night, a sleepy ten o'clock, hopefully you had danced a few and avoided too much hormone fueled drama. A parent picked you up and you carried the scent of Brut and hair gel home with you.

Justin is two inches shorter than I am, by the way.

I see now that I can purchase Elsha online since it's past the holidays. I don't know if I will though. Instead I'm going to put on a calico dress, some black hose, paint on some purple mascara and I'm going to ask my Brut scented husband to dance.

And he'd better not get too excited about it.

That's gross.


***


Speaking of excited, it's new template time. Do you like it? You can just tell me. No need to ask me to dance to let me know.

14 comments:

  1. The new prepubescent mating scent is now Axe. Little Beatle comes down the stairs DRENCHED in it. I have to drive him to school with my head hanging out the window.

    Mr.Man is an Old Spice fan. Since he is a creature of habit, I have no reason to believe he will ever desire any other cologne, deodorant, shaving cream, body wash or powder.

    I am safe and have no reason to fear they will ever be without my man's cologne!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're a gifted storyteller.

    I like the width of the main column in the new template--with the old one, if my window was skinny, your post was about 3 inches wide and reeeeeally long. The yellow text is maybe a bit hard on the eyes, but the steel gray shades are soothing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeap, the new template is wond-erful. I have no problems reading it at all and the colours go real well together. The old template use to cut certain things off and that can be painful,,,ouch!

    Maybe u should have bought Justin lifts instead of Brut than he could have done his Tom Cruise imitation for u.

    When i use cologne, which isnt that often, i use obsession by calvin klein.

    Erf

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmmm . .. .funny, but I've meant to ask you if Axe would appeal to Kaelan.

    I miss guy's cologne. I liked Kenneth Cole.

    ReplyDelete
  5. i have no problems with Brut. i'm glad you didn't buy him Bod body spray:

    http://www.parfumsdecoeur.com/Catalog.aspx?SC=174

    love the new template. i sometimes had trouble with the old one.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I remember dances when I was 14, wearing a big floral dress ... and you know what, I'm going to leave that there, okay?

    ReplyDelete
  7. You've sent me back many years to my high school dance. Dancing with my boyfriend (who became The First Stupid), giggling with my girlfriends over who got to second base. Oh my, the memories ... *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey, Becky, I'm really like how your website panned out. I need to talk to you about how you got this website set up. You're keeping me on my toes. Get cloned ASAP! One of your entries has goaded me back to the desk of ideas.

    ReplyDelete
  9. My son bathes in Axe and Bod. I wouldn't mind either of them if he'd just use a MODERATE AMOUNT.

    I'm not nuts about the new page but that won't stop me from reading it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Back in the day my favorite was Canoe.
    Now it's anything medicated.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ANYthing but Stetson.

    Stetson's just one of many reasons I didn't stay married to my first husband.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I shove a bottle in a sock every so often as well.

    Then I put it in my pants.

    This makes me a hit at the dance clubs when I remember to put it in the front and not the back.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Is it weird that I was looking for a bottle of Love's Baby Soft for ME for Christmas?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Becky, ew! Now, Love's Rain Scent, that's worth the effort to find.

    Oh, hey. It's all available via the magic of the interwebs. I think I remember Heaven Sent, too, but not those other Love's scents. Wow, the prices have gone up. I was expecting $4.99.

    ReplyDelete

Absent Minded Archives