Monday, January 12, 2009

Gots my pearls on.

This weekend's horde of new visitors 'round these parts has been by way of the search term "nifty housewife stories."

Hello. I'm Becky. I'm a housewife. I'll be your nifty housewife cruise director.

Dictionary.com tells us that nifty is defined as:

–adjective
1. attractively stylish or smart: a nifty new dress for Easter.
2. very good; fine; excellent: a nifty idea.
3. substantial; sizable: We sold the car for a nifty profit.
–noun
4. something nifty, as a clever remark or joke
.

Why yes, that is me. How wonderful it is that Google should recognize my nifty status! I am attractively stylish, smart, fine and clever. My hygiene is spectacular.

I'm not substantial though. I'm working on that.

To see what kind of Google company I'm keeping I did my own nifty housewife search. It seems I'm sharing my nifty accolades with more than one site containing thousands of sexually-explicit erotic stories involving alternative sexualities.

Like these people do stuff with fruit or power tools? I'm confused. I'm angry too. Why didn't anyone tell me there was a new and ever so clever definition for "nifty"?

Nifty is all about June Cleaver sensible shoe wearing and cookie baking goodness. It's not about germy sordid activities with Brigitte Nielsen and small caged animals. One wears a nice new dress for Easter and one does not, alrighty? Who got into Funk and/or Wagnalls underdrawers and pervert-ified "nifty"? C'mon, fess up! One of you searchers has to at least know somebody who knows somebody who would know who did it.

This world is going to heck in a hand-basket, let me tell you.

Admittedly I have more in common with Brigitte than I do with June, but c'mon, I thought I'd finally shed that terrible reputation. I wear slipper socks for goodness sake. I eat oatmeal. I hung drapes this weekend!

Sigh...done bun can't be undone.

It's best to face this revelation with some resolve.

I'm Becky. I'm a housewife. And I'm nifty.

6 comments:

  1. LOL @ "My hygiene is spectacular."

    You win the nifty Monday contest.

    Erf

    ReplyDelete
  2. I CAN'T READ YELLER ON GREY!

    Come wash and rehang my window treatments. NOT DRAPES. Window treatments. Come on, women, get into the 90's, would you?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Drapes sound more Cleaverish. I had to make that judgement call.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe Google found out you're from Bendover and sell boobies.

    ReplyDelete
  5. yeap u fall right before gay fiction on googles list, lol

    I aint going there but maybe u should check out that site and report on it!

    Erf

    ReplyDelete
  6. I did check out the site. It's not got many annoying flashy nude ads featuring those hairy dudes.

    Shucks.

    ReplyDelete

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