Tuesday, January 06, 2009

I envy penguins.

If any of you readers and other hangers on out there in internets land feels achy, and feverish, or are suffering from annoying hot flashes, have I got the solution for you! I have relief!

(And I'm only offering this solution because we are just that friendly and I like you.)

Let me put my icy cold winter feet on you. They're clean. I promise.

I'm quite dexterous with my feet. My toes are long and I can use them to grasp objects. I'm flexible in general. I can put both ankles behind my neck.

Wouldn't a cold toe-sy massage feel great on those toasty temples? Wouldn't it feel lovely on an aching back? Couldn't I whisk away a hot flash in mere seconds?

Don't let the purple hue to my appendages scare you. The color indicates it's working.

Best of all, this offer is mostly free. You gotta pay to come to me. I ain't going to you. I'm not feeding you either.

Act soon! This is only a limited time offer. Eventually spring will be here and my feet will lose their healing effects until the next December. Don't wait until it's too late! Feel pampered and get your chill on today!




Yeah, my husband didn't fall for it either.

7 comments:

  1. Oh, look!

    I just threw up a little!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL wow, u made me blush in anticipation :))

    You could earn good money from that i bet.

    Erf

    ReplyDelete
  3. Them's tree-climbin' toes !

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oddly enough, you weren't lyin' about the purplish hue. I've witnessed it. It's ... odd ...

    I have a shirt that colour.

    I'll pass on the massage thingy, but I'd pay at least a twoonie to see you put both ankles behind your neck.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Cool, I'm getting a twoonie! In American, that's a three-ie!

    Now I have to dutifully clean up after Moog. That's what I need in my life...more bodily fluids.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Don't let the purple hue to my appendages scare you. The color indicates it's working.

    I am stealing this line.

    I, too, have magical cold purple toes. If they also get bloodless white patches when cold, that's Raynaud's phenomenon. It's phenomenal!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Scandinavians are known to go into the steam houses and then emerge naked and plunge into an icy cold snowbank or stream.

    I'm buying into what you're selling sister...

    P.S.Naked snow angels are fun but only when alcohol is involved...

    ReplyDelete

Absent Minded Archives