Friday, January 23, 2009

I'd rather ask, "Would you like fries with that?"

Would YOU like to take charge of your financial future and make more money than YOU EVER HAVE BEFORE?

Would YOU like to change your life and fulfill your dreams?

Would YOU like to have every possibility open up to you?

Would YOU like to have all your friends and neighbors wonder how you became such a personal success?

Well, my readers and other hangers on, it's this simple, send your money to an MLM representative today and you will receive THE SYSTEM! Guaranteed success and a preferable lifestyle is only a CAPSLOCK, bold, or an highlight away!

It doesn't half matter which product you agree to try to sell. Everyone uses detergent, we could all use engine conditioning gasoline additives, herbs and vitamins are good for us right? Knives, I need more KNIVES! AND INSURANCE!!!

Hell, they won't even tell you what you are supposed to sell until you've signed a check and pledged your firstborn.

Gah...since the economy tanked have you seen an increase in people interested in fulfilling your dreams for you too? Ponzi be damned?

What if my dream is to sit in my pajamas pants until noon, sipping reheated coffee and farting at will? How can I know if I have the mindset to fulfill that dream or maybe I'm really overqualified to fulfill that dream? I know, I'll fill out your contact form and will discuss it at length and with a lot of buzzwords!

After you sign on up you have to attend at least three symposiums with at least three hours of exposure to a inspirational speaker to begin living the dream. And you need to buy a three ring binder with at least a hundred pages of highlighted bolded material to read through complete with pay by the photo graphics.

Has working, really working, honestly manufacturing a product and putting a price next to that product without talk of "the dream" gone out of style?

I hope not.

Because, I don't give a flip about your dreams. Unless your dream is to be useful in some capacity. Someone has to explain to me how MLM businesses are useful to anyone. You can highlight all the words you want but they are still highlighted sow's ears. I don't want to be shown the money...I want to be shown something you've accomplished without the spin.

Someone has to manufacture the boring shit we all use everyday. No one dreams of laying asphalt, or powder coating toilets, or being a paper clip quality control technician. Those poor chumps who make the highlighter markers that you're using to further highlight business useless philosophical passages in your three ring binder, they must have no idea that they are missing out on the dream.

Snake oil is snake oil.

And, for Ponzi's sake, I am NOT INTERESTED. Now get your butt off my porch before I highlight you with my hose.


  1. Oh we've been on the same posting wave today!

  2. Gee, you might tell us what you REALLY feel about this? I hadn't thought about these things but I suppose that with the economic slowdown there will be a lot more of this kind of sales pitches, coming at us from many different places. I am happily retired so not interested in any of them. Who would want to fail retirement by taking a job?

  3. I certainly wouldn't want to fail housewifery by taking one Dick.

    (I do have one, sort of, it takes three hours a week of my time. It doesn't count. I'm doing someone a favor.)

  4. I was thinking of using nudity to make money.

  5. I was thinking of using nudity too...but then I'd have to explain the bumpy green rash.

  6. I was thinking about using nudity too but three hours of exposure in this weather would cuz frost bite and things would start falling off. So forget about my nudity, the cheque is in the mail!



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