Monday, January 26, 2009

This donkey's been reined in...thank God.

The night before last I had a profound and exciting idea for my writings today. Profound may be putting it too strongely, but definitely somewhat entertaining and something to read between coffee refills if you folks are determined to procrastinate.

However, this idea required my husband's go ahead because I like to give him a heads up when I write posts about him. And he nixed it. That's OK even if I thought this would be the funniest idea I've ever had and depriving my audience of this idea is almost like depriving you all of oxygen or American Idol. If he doesn't take the trouble to check me now and then you'd all know ten percent more about Justin than you really needed to, oxygen deprived or not. Justin dislikes extortion. Most people tend to. You can't blame the man.

There are a lot of subjects that I won't touch here on my own accord.

Abortion is one. There has never been a civilized or rational discussion about abortion in the history of the internets. Nor can one write a funny abortion post. It just doesn't work that way. I expect some of you to get riled up just because I typed the word. I may even say it out loud and then happily await an assault on my person.

Religion is generally out past surface talk, except for the wonders of Scientology. I do not care what you believe or practice. I don't know that you care what I believe or practice. Let's not convert each other towards anything. Let's not drink any Kool-aid. Let's not put on those Nikes. I'd like to buy the world a Coke.

Though it's juicily tempting, I've decided to not write anything more about my position as HOA Vice President in my neighborhood. That's a good two dozen posts wasted I'm sure but instead I am taking a peace making high road. Or at least the road a couple inches up higher than the gutter. Boy, couldn't the gutter use some cleaning too. We must be vigilant about our property values.

Then there are the subjects that are so incredibly taboo, so nauseating, so personal, that even mentioning them isn't worth mentioning. I hope this makes me an intriguing woman, shrouded in sexy mystery and stealthy sensuality even if I do write quite a lot about farts. Just nod your head and agree with me here.

Obviously Justin didn't nix a mysterious silent but deadly fart story. Not that he finds those kinds of stories as hilarious as I do. We cannot account for taste.

He nixed a story about _________!

Yeah, I know, now I can't believe I was even considering writing such a thing. Shame on me.

13 comments:

  1. That was just mean. Pure mean. I didn't know you had that type of mean in you.

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  2. The world is a poorer place for your lack of fart stories. I am wearing black for this.

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  3. I choose to believe that what happened to Justin is what happened to the husband of another blogger I read—that guy got his pubes caught in the electric trimmer, and YEOW! She blogged about it, but insisted that the person this happened to was not her husband but she wasn't fooling anyone.

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  4. There you go turning nothing into something again.

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  5. Well, I think that you ought to tell Justin to ______ and ______! After all, this is YOUR blog and he can talk about his things on his. But you are right that you have to be careful about those HOA stories. They can come back and bite you.

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  6. Yeap we need our Idol fix. Can Justin sing?

    Erf

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  7. I say, "WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT!"

    I do and so far it's working out for me....or at least I enjoy myself.

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  8. Does Justin admit that he cannot sing?

    Erf

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  9. Yes, he does.

    He won't admit I'm funnier than he is though.

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  10. So the words out, Justin nixed the story about something that u thought was funny but he didnt.

    And here i thought he had an Idol adventure that he didnt want u to share.

    You know u could tell the story just change the name to protect errrr Justin.

    Use something like "my husband in my former life." ;)

    Erf

    ReplyDelete

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