Friday, February 27, 2009

Don't envy my tacky belt...you only wish you had one.

I've been walking funny for four days.

I'm sore too.

This is because I attempted to take down my fifteen year old son in a wrestling match wherein he broke from the rules of propriety and elbowed me sharply in the thigh causing a bruise roughly the same size and color as an eggplant.

It was his only defense. He's a pipsqueak. He won't let me cuddle and hug on him anymore, because only wusses cuddle with their mommies, so wrestling it is.

He gets affection Andre the Giant style.



After taunting the boy, I lifted him above my head, twirled him about, and threw him into a row of folding chairs. He pretended to act dazed.

Then I ripped my t-shirt into shreds, struck a glorious pose showing off my well defined biceps, and smiled through a grimace because my wrestling panties had crammed themselves snugly between my butt cheeks.

He took that uncannily scripted opportunity to tiptoe quietly behind me, despite the roaring rows of nacho chucking rednecks and mouthbreathers, to suddenly jam his elbow into my thigh, flipping me over, and putting his boot on my face.

As I futiley clawed at his foot I managed to make it quite clear through my hand motions and kicking that he was grounded until he was thirty five but I still loved him anyway.

Duped, he let me up in the spirit of family peace and good will, which is when I pinned him down, as all of sudden he was exhausted besides being unrecognizeable by the masses. I win!

And after all that, I was required to also wrestle my ten year old and my three year old because fair is fair.

All of 'em, they inherited my pokey elbows.

6 comments:

  1. I can hardly wait for the video to be released. I will especially be watching for that scene where u ripped your t-shirt into shreds, lol

    My wife use to "torture" my kids when they were younger. This amount to holding them down and waving her hair back and forth in their face. They use to yell and scream for more, lol. It was real funny when my oldest, who was 4 at the time, answered the phone and said his mother couldnt come to the phone right now cuz she was too busy "torturing" him :))


    Erf

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  2. Oh and, i hope the bruise goes away fast. Perhaps, u should buy them elbow pads.

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  3. Damn, girl! You need to learn the art of a beat down!

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  4. Hey, I bruise easy...I still won!

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  5. That's all I needed to know.

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