Thursday, February 19, 2009

My lovely lady humps.

I have no idea, because lately I've only gotten out as far as Salt Lake City, if what I'm writing about is a fad from the redwood forest to the gulf-stream waters. Around my neck of the woods it's not a rare sight. Then again, around my neck of the woods, people wearing their underwear over their regular clothing is not a rare sight.

Seems to be a rare sight on google image search however. It's embarrassing to admit how much time I spent trying to find a photo of today's topic so I won't. I'm taking that secret to the grave.


Seriously, what would you call this? That weird deformation at the back of her head? I finally had to resort to a screen shot on a hairstyling tutorial vid. Even if I see hairstyles like this all over my town apparently no one is comfortable enough to take a still photo of themselves sporting the do. I thought I could look through Myspace too but that turned out to be a wash. Add a seven minute badly filmed admittance to time wastage.

I've called it pouf and bump and Star Trek hair. The search term "backcombing" turned up results that are scarier than I had anticipated. There are people out there that are willing take photos of some really kinky shit. Ain't that ironic.

Since I've watched the hairdo video I've learned that it's not really required to fill out your head hump with anything besides ratted hair and a handful of mousse to achieve the look. I know there are products you can clip into your hair that will do so, but I still imagine that if you could store things in the hump, what would you store?

Besides pot. You were thinking it. You little miscreants. You little Amy Winehouse fanatics.

I'm thinking snacks. You could shove a 99 cent bag of Funyuns up in there. Or rice cakes. Twinkies, definitely Twinkies.

Condoms for sure. Six pack minimum. You never know when you are going to need protection.

Pepper Spray. Mace. A big loud whistle. An icepick. Small arms. An emergency floatation device.

And, of course, your unconditional love giving accessory purse sized toy dog named "Tinkles".

I am not talented enough to style my own hair that large.

Did you know, before the days of our modern hair styling industry, that women who wanted to achieve large hair used horse urine, or lanolin, or good old grease, to set up their dos? Once you had it set you were good to go for a week.

A handful of mousse and your pot stash, not nearly as fragrant or attractive to insects.

12 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Go read your email. It's dirty.

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  3. When I woke up this morning, I never thought I would hear the phrase "horse urine". Who knew.

    As for pictures, you could have used Sarah Palin...the witch from the north.

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  4. I was trying my best to stay away from her.........you betcha.

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  5. Qina, that was indeed a dirty email, you tarty vixen you.

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  6. I adore you, I really do. I laughed hysterically before I ever got to the comments. Now I have to change my pannies. They're all damp. Some squeezed out.

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  7. Don't set your hair with it.

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  8. It would add a nice sheen.

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  9. It's called 'The Headboard Cushion.'

    Your welcome.

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  10. But you'll smoosh up your stash!

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  11. Attach a can of beer to the back of your head using duct tape to keep it in place. Then comb your hair over the can to hide it. There u go instant head hump!

    When your man gets thirsty u can just give him the beer. Its going to taste a lot better than horse urine, even it the beer is warm. I guarantee it!

    Of course, if u dont want to give up that can of beer get him to stand behind u and errr,,, hump!

    Erf

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  12. https://www.bumpits.com
    http://www.bighappiehair.com
    Very informative Becky...and...eww, gross! :)
    Personally, I have never been into football helmet hair. I like that my hair moves when I turn my head and my husband can touch my hair without recoiling in horror (and he says it isn't worth any number of snacks I could carry for him to have it any differently)...but who am I to deny another their happiness? Err...happieness. ;)

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